WWE Monday Night Raw
November 25, 2013
Tonight: John Cena is World Champion. Randy Orton is WWE Champion. Last night, the two stared off TWICE! Tonight, we find out why. The show is also in memory of Maurice "Mad Dog" Vachon.
The TLC Main Event is...
Justin Roberts introduced Randy Orton to kickoff tonight's live Raw from Long Island. Orton asked for an apology from the WWE Universe for doubting him, then he welcomed the Authority before he could get one. Hunter said he was pleased with Orton, and he should be. Orton pinned the Giant clean. Yup, clean. He did. Big Show is an easily distracted dummy. Hunter and Stephanie took credit for motivating Orton to rise above and retain his WWE Championship. Orton took exception to Stephanie taking credit for the win, and as an ungrateful asshole, he turned on Stephanie and Hunter. This all happened while the crowd was getting into a rather loud "Daniel Bryan" chant. Orton claimed to be the Face of the WWE again, and went further than that by calling himself the greatest superstar ever. John Cena was not a fan of this, so he came out to argue Orton's claim. Cena called Orton a confused little boy, and challenged him to a title unification match. After all this time, this just seemed so anti-climactic. But hey, it is needed. Orton didn't want the match, but HHH made the title unification match official as the main event of TLC. It will be, appropriately, a TLC match.
Both titles will be held above the ring, rather than just a unified title. Anyone think, somehow, we'll still have split champions after the TLC PPV? Prediction is they swap belts.
The Rhodes' & Rey vs The Shield
Dean Ambrose pinned Cody Rhodes with the Headlock Driver to win a 6-man tag featuring participants in last night's 5-on-5 Survivor Series match. I expected Reigns to continue his strong showing from last night's PPV, but no one in particular really shined in this match, although Rey was probably the most showcased.
The Miz TV w/ Michael Strahan
Miz introduced Michael Strahan, but out came Titus O'Neil instead, complete with a cap over one tooth to simulate the gapped front teeth of Strahan. Titus did a Strahan impression, to little reaction, while Miz interviewed him as Strahan. After several bad jokes, Strahan came out enthusiastically. Strahan said Titus' impression was pretty good, but Miz' jokes were awful. He was right. Strahan announced the night's "doubleteam tag team" main event as Alberto Del Rio & Randy Orton vs Big Show & John Cena. Strahan then called Kelly Ripa tougher than Miz. Strahan completely took over the segment, and saved it, while Miz fought for mix time. So embarrassing for Miz, which I guess is the point. Miz challenged Michael Strahan to take a simple hip toss. He accepted, and Miz tried, but Strahan blocked it. Titus then wanted to give the hip toss, and again Michael blocked it. On the third try, instead of taking a hip toss, Strahan gave Miz a hip toss. He then gave one to Titus. All three hugged afterwards and did the Primetime Players dance. Miz is a dork. Strahan and Titus were cool here, but it was pretty much just a waste of time.
The Ryback & Curtis Axel vs Big E & Mark Henry
Mark Henry pinned Axel with the World's Strongest Slam. Pretty basic tag match. Lawler put over these two as the World's Strongest Team.
Oh, Christ. Of all the matches to rematch... tonight, we're getting the Total Divas vs Non Total Divas Elimination match again! Can't wait.
Total Divas vs Non Total Divas Elimination Match
Nikki & Brie Bella and Eva Marie were the last women standing in this 7-on-7 Survivor Series rematch.
First elimination: Brie Bella pinned Aksana after the X Factor.
Second elimination: Nikki Bella pinned Rosa Mendes.
Third elimination: Tamina Snuka pinned Naomi.
Fourth elimination: Tamina Snuka pinned Cameron.
Fifth elimination: JoJo pinned Tamina Snuka in her first pinfall, as Cole noted. JoJo tagged in after Natalya did all the work.
Sixth elimination: Alicia Fox pinned JoJo after a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.
Seventh elimination: Eva Marie pinned Alicia Fox. The crowd booed Eva Marie, which was one of the few reactions the crowd gave.
Eighth elimination: Natalya tapped Kaitlyn to the sharpshooter. AJ & Summer are only ones left on Non Total Divas.
Ninth elimination: AJ pinned Natalya with a roll up. Crowd loved AJ.
Tenth elimination: Brie Bella pinned AJ Lee. It's 3-on-1 now as Brie, Nikki, and Eva take on Summer Rae. Summer and Nikki danced a bit before wrestling. Summer failed to do the worm, and tried to leave, but the remaining Total Divas kept her in the ring.
Eleventh elimination: Nikki Bella pinned Summer Rae after a torture rack backbreaker.
The crowd is not enjoying this show very much, and they really have no reason to. A very weak post-PPV effort so far.
The WWE Slammy Awards are coming back on December 9.
The WWE Universe got to pick the stipulations for the next match in the WWE App Poll. The choices, for Sandow vs Ziggler, are: Strong Island Street Fight, Long Island Lumberjack Match, Hamptons Hardcore Match. The Hamptons Hardcore Match won. As Ziggler made his entrance, several stage hands brought out various weaponry to the ring for the bout. Ziggler came out in a NY Islanders jersey, which I am told is a popular hockey team in the New York area.
Damien Sandow vs Dolph Ziggler
Weapons in this match included golf clubs, tennis ball cages, garbage cans, tennis rackets, and more. The match itself was basically a replica of last week's hardcore match, just with different weapons. Sandow won this one after whacking Ziggler in the back with an oar, and landing the You're Welcome through the garbage can.
Backstage, Michael Strahan ran into a few WWE Superstars backstage. First, he met with Santino. Santino was scared away by Erick Rowan. Rowan gave Strahan a sheep mask, and Strahan put it on. Gimmick dead. Rowan left, and Santino came back, and said a bunch of words that turned out to be a nothing joke, and that was it.
CM Punk & Daniel Bryan vs The Wyatt Family
Before the match, Renee Young, in the ring, interviewed Bryan and Punk about tonight's handicap match. Punk took a shot at Triple H by saying that handicap matches seem to be the only way he deals with problems these days. He then made several references, including the Ring Crew Express, the Dicks, and three different names for Colt Cabana. Crowd popped for Cabana's name. Bryan was thankful to finally get his hands on Bray Wyatt.
CM Punk & Daniel Bryan vs Bray Wyatt & Luke Harper & Erick Rowan went to a No Contest when chaos broke out with all five guys brawling in the ring. This was a long match before the breakdown. The trio took out CM Punk, then kidnapped Daniel Bryan, after the match. As Punk slowly got up to try and go after the Wyatts, Roman Reigns came out of nowhere and speared Punk. The Shield then gave Punk the triple team powerbomb. So, it looks like the programs are splitting off. Lawler wondered what would happen with Daniel Bryan. Maybe he'll come back in three months and be Director of something under the Authority.
Well, that makes up for Reigns just blending in earlier. He was highlighted as the Shield leader in the beatdown of Punk.
The Miz vs Kofi Kin... *snores*
The Miz pinned Kofi Kingston in a match absolutely no one cared about. At least, I didn't. If you watch this later and cared, then I apologize. But you won't. And if you say you did, you're a liar. Really.
The three faces of Foley pushed WWEShop merch.
Jerry Lawler met with the winner of a Hurricane Sandy benefit auction. The winner said his finishing move would be the circumcision, and the segment ended abruptly.
R-Truth was in the ring and introduced Xavier Woods, accompanied by the Funkadactyls. Woods came out to Brodus Clay's music and danced, all while JBL was thinking how Brodus is being buried by this.
Xavier Woods vs Heath Slater
Xavier pinned Heath after the Honor Roll and Lost in the Woods combination. Crowd gave Woods a chance, but were pretty silent towards the end. No local gimmick for 3MB this week.
This show, as a one off, has been pretty bad. But, it's setting up the next two months of programs. Not every episode of Breaking Bad was a winner in itself, either.
Backstage, fresh off the kidnapping of Daniel Bryan, the joyous Bella Twins were asking Michael Strahan for an autograph. The Bellas admitted they were Eagles fans. Strahan played for the Giants, a rival. Cameron & Naomi then came in and also wanted an autograph. Strahan was smitten. Next up, bitch heel Eva Marie. Eva didn't want an autograph, but rather she thought she'd allow Strahan to meet her. Goldust was next in, and Strahan was weirded out as the announcer's laughed.
WWE.com Poll: Who was The Rock's biggest WrestleMania Rival: Hogan, Austin, or Cena. Austin won by a wide margin. Hogan only got 7% of the vote.
Cena & Big Show vs Del Rio & Orton
John Cena forced Alberto Del Rio to tap to the STF to win a main event pretty lacking of excitement. We'll get to the end, because most of the match wasn't important. Selling the punt from last night, Big Show became woozy after a superkick from Del Rio. The ring doctor was interrupting the match to check on Big Show. Obviously suffering a concussion, the referee let the match continue with Big Show continuing to suffer punishment. Chris Nowinski would not be a fan of this. The doctor kept asking if Big Show was okay, and Show wouldn't respond. So, that must mean he's okay. Orton DDT'd Show, and set up for the punt, but Show speared him "on instinct" and tagged in Cena. Cena then ran wild and after a brief back and forth, Cena gained the victory for his team. Big Show, in the end, was selling a concussion at ringside while Cena finished the match. Doesn't seem fair that he had to work after being punted in the head. He should sue again. Worked so well the first time...
After the win, Cena was attacked by Del Rio and Orton, with Show unable to help.
The show ended with Orton holding up both title belts over the dead body of John Cena. It was confirmed here that the main event at TLC isn't a unification bout, but rather a match for both titles. It's quite obvious we'll be seeing both guys walk out with a title at TLC, and I'm betting they win each other's belt. Well, not literally betting.
Next week: Please God I hope next week's show isn't as boring as this one. It was boring. Almost fell asleep. And I wanted this show to be fun, and I thought it would be. It just wasn't. Sorry for my lack of enthusiasm. Even the six man tag early in the show wasn't that great. Oh well, better luck next time. Bye~!