WWE Monday Night Raw
December 2, 2013
Oklahoma City, OK
CM Punk Opens Raw
CM Punk came out and blamed Triple H for ordering the attack last week on Raw from the Shield. Punk called HHH "dense", and said Hunter would be foolish to pick a fight with the anti-authority figure, CM Punk. Quickly, Stephanie McMahon entered the arena to wish Punk a happy Thanksgiving. She then said that Punk's attack was beneath them, and that he isn't as important as the WWE vs World title match contract signing set for later. Steph then delegated Punk's complaint to Kane, the Director of Operations. Kane Laurinaitis said that Punk's claims of Hunter ordering the attack are baseless, and the case is closed. Punk challenged Kane to a fight, which Steph calmly urged him to decline, and the Shield's music hit while Kane calmed down. Before the Shield could get in the ring, Stephanie told them to stop and respect CM Punk. Kane finished by making Punk vs Shield in a 3-on-1 match at TLC. Enjoy the ride, and wait and see.
WWE is now trolling the WWE Universe with the WWE App poll this week, which is "What should the Champion be called after TLC?" The choices were: Unified Champion, Undisputed WWE Champion, or Undisputed World Champion. There is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY we have only one champion after TLC.
Intercontinental Title #1 Contender Match
Damien Sandow beat Dolph Ziggler with the You're Welcome to earn the spot of challenger for the IC Title on WWE TLC. Big "The E" Langston was on commentary tonight, speaking well but not adding much. Dolph lost after getting tripped up by Damien while going to the top rope, and falling prey to the full nelson slam.
When having to watch it live isn't enough, we got an extensive "highlight" package from last week's Divas Survivor Series rematch. I'm pretty sure every elimination was shown again. Good.
The Bellas & Natalya vs Tamina & AJ & Summer Rae
Natalya pinned AJ in a 6-Woman tag match. AJ was skipping around the ring the entire match, including right by her opponents without them caring much. That left Tamina and Summer to do all the work for most of the match. There was a pretty ugly spot in the middle where Summer tried flipping over Brie Bella, but it didn't quite work and both girls just fell down over each other in what was salvaged by Summer as a pinfall attempt. Shortly after that, AJ decided to stop skipping and enter the match. She went for a prone Natalya, but Nattie countered into the sharpshooter until Tamina came in to save. Tamina got taken out by the Bellas, which AJ watched allowing Natalya to roll her up for the win. AJ cared so little about losing, that she happily skipped around the ring again with her Divas title belt after the match.
Well, it made TV. Wade Barrett, doing his #BadNewsBarrett gimmick from the JBL & Cole Show, spoke from a podium near the announce table. He ran down the state of Oklahoma and its people. After he spoke, the #BadNewsBarrett graphic was stamped on the screen, and that was it.
Backstage, Randy Orton welcomed Brad Maddox back and asked a favor. He wanted Brad to tell the Authority to recognize Randy Orton as the best champion WWE has ever seen. Brad knew this was a bad idea, and looked fearful at having to do this.
Daniel Bryan is Alive and Well
Well, Bryan is safe. He wrestled, and beat, Erick Rowan with a quick rollup after fending off a gorilla press slam from Rowan. WWE promoted the Steve Austin podcast, with guest Daniel Bryan, as available now. I wonder if he recorded the podcast before or after his abduction. I have no idea, and won't look it up. Daniel Bryan is a miracle worker, and he wrestled Erick Rowan in a lengthy match and it never sucked. I was shocked they gave Rowan so much time. Afterwards, with an attack from both Harper and Rowan looming, Bray Wyatt appeared on the TRON to tell his minions to stand down.
Bray Wyatt told Bryan that he and the Family won't hurt him, unless Bray tells them to. Bray brought up Total Divas, and said he understands Bryan for what he really is. He says "they" see him as a circus clown, but Bray sees a monster in Bryan. "They" can't love Bryan like Bray can. He wants to partner with Bryan to take over the world.
After break, backstage, Kane congratulated Bryan on his victory. Bryan kept looking behind him to make sure Bray wasn't there. Kane, to provide fairness to CM Punk, made Bryan vs the Wyatts in a 3-on-1at TLC.
Xavier Woods & Truth vs Brodus Clay & Tensai
Woods & Truth beat Clay & Tensai when Woods pinned Clay. JBL was brutal to Clay on commentary, saying that Xavier had better hair, was a better sports entertainer, and danced better, among other words. Clay trash talked to Woods the whole match, and then completely botched going over for Woods' La Magistral. Eventually, Clay figured out which way to go, and Woods got the pin. Tensai and Clay teased a breakup to close the segment.
Holy S&%T, a Sin Cara Sighting
Sin Cara beat Alberto Del Rio with the swanton bomb. Yep, Sin Cara won, but this was the fake Sin Cara, as in Hunico. Slow paced match, this was, and not that great. Bad news for the real Sin Cara that they have replaced him again, but good news for Hunico because he was going nowhere on his own.
Where'd Los Matadores go?
Backstage, John Cena told Renee Young the history of the WWE Championship and World Championship. Which title stands tall? We'll find out in two weeks. Or, you know, we won't.
Backstage, The Shield said it was nonsense that Punk could beat any of them individually, let alone in a handicap match. Believe in the Shield, and all.
Goldust & Cody Rhodes & Big Show vs The Shield
Seth Rollins pinned Goldust in a flash pin after Goldust had suplexed Dean Ambrose from the top rope. The match was fun, and highlighted almost everyone involved at various points. Not a single guy looked weak, although Cody sold a left arm injury much of the match while still delivering. Reigns speared Big Show late, which took Show out of the match after he was dominant throughout. Just really good, and the best thing on the show so far.
Backstage, CM Punk told Renee Young that he is a kid in a candy store with the news that he will be taking on the Shield in a handicap match at TLC. He sang a bit of "I Feel Pretty" before putting the joyous facade to rest. Punk knows he's going down at TLC, but the question is how many of the Shield will he take down with him.
#BadNewsBarrett was back at the podium. He had some bad news for us. The food we all ate at Thanksgiving is bad for our health.
Miz & Kofi Kingston vs Ryback & Curt Axel
Kofi and babyface Miz made up before the match, but the friendship didn't last long as Ryback pinned Kofi with Shellshock to win. Afterwards, Miz turned again, maybe, slapping Kofi. Cole sold this as Miz being frustrated at losing, and the two being very competitive.
Los Matadores, speaking English, took their turn at selling merch at WWEShop.com. Torito went crazy, grabbing all the toys while Matadores told him to relax.
Mark Henry vs FANDANGO
Mark Henry pinned Fandango with the World's Strongest Slam. Henry just doesn't have an edge to him anymore. Babyface Henry just doesn't work as well as Hall of Pain Mark Henry. Henry danced and smiled after his victory, begging to be joined by Summer Rae. She declined, and look displeased at Henry's advances.
They recapped the Smackdown Food Eating contest and subsequent barfing from Titus O'Neil.
What the hell is Justin Roberts doing with his face?
CM Punk will take on one member of the Shield in the main event of Smackdown.
The Real Americans vs The Primetime Players
Before the match, Zeb Colter cut a promo on puking. He called Young & O'Neil the Primetime Pukers, and that puking is not tolerated in the real America. Cesaro did the giant swing on O'Neil again, with the announcers fearing that he would puke. O'Neil teased like he would, but tagged out to Young who came in and cleaned house on both Real Americans. Young went up top after running through the duo, but when he jumped off he was met with an uppercut from Cesaro leading to the pinfall victory for the Real Americans.
WWE App Poll: What should the champion be called? The winner was "The Unified Champion" with 38% of the vote.
They are really trying to push this as the greatest match in WWE history coming up. Jim Ross can't be upset that he's not in the position of having to sell this.
The Epic Contract Signing
Triple H and Stephanie were out first, and both came out to guarantee that there will only be ONE WINNER. Okay, so maybe there will be. Who knows. Why not just have one belt for the winner then? I'm only the 102,384th person to ask that. Orton was out second, and Cena third. Stephanie mocked Orton about his message from earlier from Brad Maddox, about being bigger than WWE and the best ever. Hunter put over the WWE title history, and how strong it was while being held by the greats of WWE. Hunter then ran down the history, briefly, of the World Heavyweight championship and it's lineage. From "Gotch" (I think he forgot which one) to Flair, to Rhodes, etc. Hunter said this match wasn't a spur of the moment decision, even though in storyline it certainly was. This has really been done poorly if it is in fact a title unification after all these years. Anyway, Cena and Orton both signed the contract and were given time to speak. Orton said he has a lot in common with the WWE Universe. They both don't like John Cena very much. Cena spoke about Hunter mentoring Orton, but Orton never lived up to his potential. What? He's a 10+ time champion. Championships mean nothing. Cena said that Orton could have been the face of WWE, but he was lazy, and he gave an opening to Cena to become the face of the company. Orton was given the WWE title, but Cena earned the World title, and at TLC Orton will have to earn everything he gets. Cena got a bit more serious here, threatening Orton to step up, while Hunter and Steph slowly got out of the way. Orton tossed up the table in the ring for the signing, and the two brawled.
The two had quite the brawl from here, which was pretty much a short hardcore match. Cena finished off Orton, though, with an AA through a table in the ring. Cena held up both title belts over Orton's laid out body to close the show. So... Cena won? No match needed.
Michael Cole narrated that there will only be one winner, one champion, at TLC as the credits rolled.
This contract signing ended around 11:15. Big overrun for what, after tonight, is seemingly a more important match than it was just an hour before. But wow, what a rush job for an angle that could have been huge if they hadn't just started it a week ago.
Call it crazy, but I still see a 50/50 chance all this was done to make a split title finish a "surprise" at TLC. Enjoy the ride, and wait and see.