WWE Monday Night Raw
April 28, 2014
St. Louis, MO
Noteworthy: A bad show that did not want to make me pay 49.99 for Extreme Rules on Sunday. Luckily, I don't have to! Barrett vs Big E was finalized. Other matches for Extreme Rules were made and/or teased. Ric Flair endorsed The Shield. John Cena is not turning heel. Extreme Rules is not available on satellite.
Cena's lost the kids.
After a video promo refreshing our memories as to what happened in the main event last week, we got John Cena coming out to the ring. The ring was surrounded by the steel cage, and inside, we got John Cena asking us, "Why?" A small portion of the crowd responded with, "You suck!" Cena started with negativity, but turned it into positivity about how the future of WWE is in great hands with guys like Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan. He then mentioned Sami Zayn and Adrian Neville. Cena said that Bray Wyatt is different. He doesn't care about WWE like the other young stars, he only cares about himself. John told a story about how the cage isn't just to keep the Wyatts out, but also to keep Bray's message in. The lights then went out, and a chorus of young children appeared on stage while singing "He's got the whole world." The crowd sang along and held up cell phones like lighters. This introduced the Wyatt Family, with Bray now leading the kids in the song. Bray, the Wyatts, and the kids all came down and surrounded the ring while singing. Quite the visual. The lights then went out again, and when they returned, all the kids were wearing Rowan's sheep masks. Cena looked like he had lost the world, while Bray laughed. Cena was so distraught, he took a knee, while the camera zoomed into one of the children who was now rocking on Bray's knee on his rocking chair. So the story is the cage is there so that Cena can contain Bray, and not so the Wyatts stay out.
Tag Titles: Usos vs RybAxel
Jimmy Uso pinned Curtis Axel with a top rope splash to retain the WWE Tag Team Championships. After a double dive to the outside on RybAxel, Jay Uso appeared to have a left leg injury. It was played up big, but he barely sold it right after making a hot tag later. He eventually showed being hurt, but the injury didn't seem serious whether real or story. The finish saw Curtis go for the Perfect Plex on Jay, who had just tagged out. While Axel was bridged, Jimmy came down with the splash and pinned him.
Michael Cole announced that Extreme Rules is not available on Dish or DirecTV, but is available on WWE Network. Thank God they didn't lose that Network clearance. That could have been trouble.
Adam Rose debuts next week.
Backstage, Paul Heyman said that he may be a liar and conman, but he takes his clients to the top. Cesaro was happy with that, the two shook, and that's that.
Sheamus vs Titus O'Neil
As Sheamus was making his entrance, he was attacked from behind by Titus. Titus proceeded to beat Sheamus up all over the place until finally the two made it in the ring. After the bell, Titus continued the beating briefly until Sheamus hit a miracle Brogue Kick. With that one move, Sheamus pinned Titus.
Kofi Kingston taught us how to get WWE Network. Kofi said "Just like Netflix" twice.
If you can't see yourself a winner, then you'll never be one. You have to BO-LIEVE!
Dolph Ziggler is friends with Hugh Jackman, now.
Dolph introduced Hugh Jackman, and the two discussed their past when Hugh punched Dolph, and they buried the hatchet. After celebrating their new friendship, Damien Sandow came out as Magneto. He was in a goofy costume. The next three minutes consisted of bad comedy and a dead crowd. Damien tried, at least. The segment ended with Hugh hiptossing Sandow into a ZigZag from Dolph.
Paul Heyman, in his introduction of Cesaro, tried to get the crowd to like him. They didn't buy it. So Paul told a joke. It was a knock knock joke, and it was glorious. "Knock Knock...who's there...Mike...Mike who?...Mike...lient Brock Lesnar broke The Streak!"
Cesaro vs Jack Swagger
Cesaro still has the shitty theme. Cesaro won with a german as Paul Heyman got into it with Zeb on the outside. Jack had to pretend not to be able to kickout of a pretty weak looking pin attempt, which is a pet peeve.
Backstage, Renee asked John about the opening segment. John had nothing to say.
Alberto Del Rio beat Cody Rhodes with the cross armbreaker. Cody pushed Goldust, who cornered Cody, after the match in anger. Anger at Goldust that, as JBL noted, made no sense.
Backstage, Paul Heyman and Cesaro were having a secret meeting. RVD better watch his back later.
Alexander Rusev beat Xavier Woods via DQ. Rusev was going to beat Xavier in under one minute, but Truth ran in and the two disposed of Rusev. Rusev vs Truth & Consequences takes place this Sunday live on Special Event.
Tomorrow is Make A Wish Day. So how dare you bitches boo John Cena!
Backstage, Renee Young asked RVD about his mindset going into tonight. RVD has bad news for Wade Barrett tonight. Zeb Colter came up and tried to recruit RVD in his battle against Paul Heyman. RVD declined.
After break, backstage, Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger were having a secret meeting. This being the night of secret meetings.
A whole lot of nothing has happened in the last half hour.
Los Matadores vs Heath & Drew of 3MB
Holy god. Hornswoggle vs Torito in a weeLC Match has been added to Extreme Rules. I'd like to think this is why Dish canceled the show. Torito tried to get people into this match, but it failed miserably. Anyway, as nobody was paying attention, Heath Slater nailed one of the matadors with the Impaler DDT for the win. Afterwards, Hornswoggle went for a plancha but everyone moved, so he crashed and burned. Torito went for a plancha from the top rope and took out Heath Slater. This was bad.
Two hours of very little so far.
Steph's Apology & Diva's Title Match
Stephanie McMahon to the ring for our big apology segment! Steph introduced Daniel Bryan, who walked out to the stage with a neck brace on, and with Brie Bella by his side. Bryan said Stephanie is full of crap. Steph said that it is no secret that the Authority didn't want Bryan to be WWE Champion. She tried to empathize with Brie Bella, saying she has been by HHH's side during bad times, and knows what it is like. She apologized for everything she has done, but Bryan didn't accept it. Stephanie asked Bryan to come to the ring and look in her eyes to see how truly sorry she is. Bryan said he would see a liar, and that she's probably trying to trap him. Bryan said that his head hurts, and he can't move his neck, but he never gives up. He's been cleared for Extreme Rules, and he will take Kane down on Sunday. Stephanie said that Kane's mask is locked up in her office tonight, and she doesn't know where Kane is. If that seems like a random thought at this point, I thought so, too. Stephanie then announced Paige vs Brie Bella for the Diva's title tonight. TRAP! Bryan said he'd be at ringside to protect Brie.
As Brie was walking to the ring for her match, the camera cut to Steph's office. In a super hokie moment, we saw that Kane's mask was NOT in fact locked up in the glass case. BEWARE OF KANE!!!!!!!!!! Commercial.
Back from break, Paige vs Brie began. It didn't go long until Kane's music hit. As Bryan stood guard in front of the ring, Kane made his entrance through the ring canvas. He ascended from hell, you see. Cole stole JR's "Frozen with fear" line to describe Brie. As Kane was going for Brie, Bryan nailed Kane in the head with a wrench. Bryan went to check on Brie, but Kane recovered and choke slammed Bryan. Again, the monster went for Brie. Brie, however, was able to kick herself free from the monster. Geeze, what a goof. Can't even control a woman, how can he control D-Bry. Kane stood in the ring, laughing at what he has accomplished tonight. Brie was crying in fear. This was a mess. Paige just left somewhere during Kane's music going off. So, no contest.
After break, backstage, Stephanie McMahon went into the trainer's room to check on Bryan and Brie. She wondered if Bryan would be ready for Extreme Rules. She apologized again. Brie Bella, angry, yelled at Stephanie saying, "Get out... you bitch!"
Backstage, Renee Young tried again with John Cena. In a better mood, Cena said he's right about Wyatt. He also said that he's happy the WWE Universe didn't turn his back on him. He said that with the crowd making noise, there is hope. Hope is power. Or something. So, no heel turn. Cena told some jokes about a donkey. The hell is going on with this show tonight.
IC Title Tourney: #BadNewsBarrett vs Rob Van Dam
Before the match, Barrett, on his podium again, said that the WWE slogan is Then, Now, Forever. RVD's slogan should be, simply, Then. Because then is the last time he was relevant. He finished saying that RVD will be in diapers after this match, drinking his meals through a straw, all thanks to BNB.
Barrett pinned RVD after a bullhammer elbow to advance into an Intercontinental Championship match this Sunday at Extreme Rules, live on Special Event. Cesaro tried to interfere, but Swagger ran out and stopped him. Those two scuffled, with Cesaro eventually breaking free to again try and stop RVD from winning. Cesaro's second attempt to cause a distraction worked, allowing Barrett to gain the victory.
After the match, Swagger attacked Cesaro again. Then, Swagger attacked RVD. RVD was able to get the better of it, disposing of Swagger. With Cesaro still down in the ring, RVD nailed a five star frog splash on him to end the segment. Looks like a 3-Way at Extreme Rules may be happening.
BREAKING NEWS: Dean-o Ambrose vs Alberto Del Rio & Ryback & Curtis Axel for the US Championship is the main event for Smackdown.
Before the main event, Evolution entered the ring together. Hunter said that the Shield reminds him of Evolution, but on Sunday, Evolution takes them out. The Shield then made their entrance. Before entering the ring, however, Ric Flair's music hit and the legend made his way to the ring to complete Evolution. I don't know what it was, but Flair looked 5 years younger at least. Then, he spoke. He said it was great being back in the ring with men who were dominant. The dominant men he spoke of... were the Shield. The crowd didn't realize exactly what Flair was doing, so they didn't react at all. But basically, Flair backstabbed Evolution and endorsed the Shield as the best group of today.
Roman Reigns vs Randy Orton
Randy Orton begins a new pantsless streak tonight! Week One, here we go. The match began at 11:05 PM EDT, with a scroll on the bottom of the screen telling us again that Dish & DirecTV are not carrying Extreme Rules, while cable providers and WWE Network will.
The match itself was a no contest. Towards the end, Ambrose and HHH got into a brawl, while Batista brawled with Seth Rollins. Roman, in the ring, laid Orton out with a Superman punch and could have won, but he left the ring to help his teammates. He did not succeed. Evolution got the best of the trio and pummeled them all in and outside of the ring for several moments. Seth Rollins, somehow, managed to recover miraculously. As he did, Roman and Dean did, too, and the Shield was able to send Evolution packing. A war is coming on Sunday!
St Louis was an awful crowd tonight, but I cannot blame them, because this show might have just been the weakest of the year overall. Next week: Adam Rose and his rosebuds debut, plus Week 2 of the pantsless streak and the first night of Kane's WWE title reign. As if.