COUGHLIN: Strikeforce live notes that are late and thus no one cares but I wrote them darnit!




The Half-Guarded Truth LIVE (after the fact)

By: Mike Coughlin

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FEDOR V HENDO


(Notes: So, I wrote all this in the arena and had issues with uploading it and all at the time, then it was late and I was tired and since Dave already did the official results, you all know what happened. But, I'm super duper awesome so I'm putting this stuff up now.)


Howdy all. Mike Coughlin here doing my own show notes. Dave, obv, will do real

PBP but I'm gonna use this here iPad to do my own notes and such. Why? Because

you've gotta justify your existence in life. And: I'm bored.


More to come...


Haha. Can't update the site with this thing. I'll post all this later then. You

know, after everyone knows what's happened already.


FIGHT ONE

Two fat guys are gonna start this thing for us. Don't pretend you care who they

are. Do pretend they hate each other and want to lunch each other. That was

supposed to be punch but lunch is funnier with the prior fat guy comment.


Gabriel Jones is the local fat guy.

Bryan Humes is also local (and fat).


Fat guy one shot and was stuffed by Fat guy two. Side control. Fat one to half

guard. This is blah. Fat on fat lay and pray. Wait. An attempt at a fat knee

bar. No. Fat one up and runs through with a takedown. Fat two tried a deep half

guard and got punched a bunch. Oh. A lot one. Ten seconds to go. He'll survive.

I got fat one so far.


Round two

Both are tired. Two tried a spinning back kick.


Technical difficulties. Plus. The fat jokes aren't funny.


Gabriel Jones wins by brabo choke in R3. Didn't miss much here.



FIGHT TWO


LUMBUMBA SAYERS V DEREK BRUNSON


Both guys are ... athletic. Brunson has Greg Jackson in his corner. I predict

he has a strategy of some sort. Or at least people will think he does.


Brunson with a HUGE GERMAN suplex. he's getting lit up on his feet but can

wrestle his way out of danger. He'd landing good GNP though. Sayers stands and

breaks apart. This had become smashing. Crazy head kicks and then Brunson RUNS

AND MISSES A PUNCH AND FLIES FACE FIRST INTO THE CAGE! But he recovers, lands

more, GNP. It's over.


BRUNSON WINS R1 REF STOPPAGE.


FIGHT THREE


ALEXIS DAVIS V JULIE KEDZIE


Someone write about how women are just as good as men at fighting and how we

should all embrace it despite the economics of it meaning it's pointless.


Then. Someone make a MAKE ME BREAKFAST AND GIVE ME CHILDREN joke that isn't

funny.


I hope this is at least a good fight.


Davis out to BLACK BETTY. WINNER!!!!! (Charlie Sheen reference in July. Ugh.)

oh. She's kinda cute too. Kedzie out to Johnny Cash. These women would murder me.

FFS...


R1

Good exchange of punches. Clinching now. Separation. Kedzie circling on the

outside and throwing isolated kicks. Davis looks like she wants to square up and

throw bombs. Not a ton to the round but the crowd is patient.


R2

More in the clinch. Kedzie continues to circle. Davis with a nice hip throw. But

they scramble to their feet. Matt Hughes is in Davis's corner. Attempted throe

by Davis. She jumps and takes the back while standing. WILL KEDZIE DIE?!?!? ....

Nope. Not even close.


R3

Clinch!!! Shock. Crowd has finally started booing. BOOOOOOOOOO! for the record,

Greg Jackson is in Kedzie's corner. There appears to be a strategy, a he will

sometimes throw his hands up in exasperation. Maybe Kedzie doesn't remember

it... Fight is kind of suck.


I pick Davis based on "kinda paid attention and she did more memorable stuffs."


Official winner: ALEXIS DAVIS by judges decision 29-28, 30-27, 30-27. called it.



Oh. Good. a needless delay.


FIGHT FOUR


TYLER STINSON V EDUARDO PAMPLONA


R1

Stinson came out and absolutely killed him dead. Just lined him up at the end of

his punches and KOd Pamplona in 15 seconds. Crowd loved this.


TYLER STINSON WINS BY MURDER KO!!!


FIGHT FIVE


BOBBY GREEN V GESIUS CAVALCANTE


R1

JZ looking for left hook a lot. Landing good leg kicks too. With 30 to go, JZ

lands a grazing head kick. Green survives. Solid round.


R2

Green w TD. Back up. Nothing through two minutes. JZ still thinks that left hook

is gonna land. JZ w TD. Yay. No action. Awesome. Oh. Mount. Punching. Take the

back. Choke..... SAVED BY THE BELL! JZ may have held that on a bit longer after

the bell...


R3

clinching. Boring. Blah. Hate you both now. I'm hungry. Round ends with JZ

failing with a guillotine choke. R3 sucked but the first two were ok.


I predict JZ!!!


Official winner: JZ by split decision 29-28, 28-29, 29-28. Called that one too.

Bitch.


MAIN SHOW


FIGHT SIX


TAREC SAFFIEDINE V SCOTT SMITH


R1

Tarec landing early. Smith loading. You all saw this on tv. I will say that

smith looks slow and I fear for his health.


R2

Tarec is battering Smith. Smith tried the one punch KO and failed. This is

target practice for Tarec. Brutal head kick. Do. Not. Book. Smith. Unreal how

Smith takes a beating. Ugly really.


R3

Smith tried but did not land the one big shot. Instead, he got brain damage.


Official winner: TAREC SAFFIEDINE. By decision. 30-26, 30-27, 30-27


FIGHT SEVEN


TYRON WOODLEY V PAUL DALEY


T. Wood. What a terrible nickname. On the other hand:: Semtex is awesome. Daley,

though, is still a turd. I'll bet he bitches about wrestling after being

wrestled to death. WELCOME TO 'MERICA!!!!


R1

Clinch. Wait for it...Daley knees him in the balls. I don't give him the benefit

of the doubt. Woodley keeping his right glued to his head. Clinch. Wait....damn

it big John. Ok. clinch... Damn. Daley escapes. Cinch... Dammit. Take. Him down.

Sigh. Crap round.


R2

Woodley won't commit on his takedowns. Can't half ass these things. Clinch...

TAKEDOWN. WRESTLING!!!!!!!!!! wall walk. smother. Sleep. Zzzzz. This fight. Let

me tell you about this fight. It'd terrible.


R3

WRESTLING!!!!!!! I'll bet nothing happens... I'm right. People are booing. Daley

tries to stand. Woodley in on a single. Uh oh. Woodley missed s shot. Daley

spinning around. Punching. Daley is now besting ass. Ummm. Daley with an oma

plata. That's a surprise. But. He lost position and Woodley ends the round on

top.


I say Woodley 29-28


Official result: WOODLEY. By decision. 29-28 across the board. I'm good at

this.


FIGHT EIGHT


TIM KENNEDY V ROBBIE LAWLER


R1

Feeling out. LAWLER w s good sprawl. Robbie moving in and out. Sprawling like

hell. Kennedy gets him down finally. Back up. No damage taken by Robbie. Down

again. Tim on too. Mount. Up again!


R2

Fighting like he'll for a TD. got it. Half guard. Tim on too. Tom bleeding bad.

Got caught coming in on the TD. In guard. Good pounding. LAWLER lands s good

shot from the bottom. Tim's wining the round though.


R3

Nothing. Blah. Lawler looks hurt. Tim with TD. Punched. Blah. End


I say Kennedy


Official result: TIM KENNEDY By decision. 30-27. I'm on a roll.


Don't interview him. Shut up. I hate you, Gus. The Brian Stann of Strikeforce.


FIGHT NINE


WOMEN'S BANTAMWEIGHT TITLE


MARLOS COENEN V MEISHA TATE


R1

Was boring. Coenen tried a choke. That's about it.


R2

Coenen takes the back. Nice job of not punching. It's s fight. You can HIT HER

HARD!!! fail on the choke attempt. PUNCHES!!! Crap.


R3

Takedown by Tate. I'll bet nothing happens now... YUP!!!! This is a terrible

show. Hate. Anger. BYE BYE WOMEN'S MMA!!!!!!


R4

We need ring dudes for women fights. Tate TD. TATE WITH THE ARM TRIANGLE.

TAP!!!! new champ. People are legit going crazy. Wow.


Official winner: MEISHA TATE BY SUBMISSION


MAIN EVENT (better be good)


FEDOR V HENDERSON


R1

They slug it out, Henderson is down, Fedor is down, it's over. Holy shit. Wow. That was worth it all.



Mike Coughlin will do proper work for the UFC in Milwaukee. That is all. LOVE YOU GUYS!

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