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AEW Dark results: Cage & Starks vs. Kiss & Janela

AEW Dark 03.16.2021

It’s Tuesday and you know what that means: time for two more hours of AEW Dark.

Luchasaurus defeated Cezar Bononi (w/ Peter Avalon) (6:26)

Avalon’s heart shaped pillow on wheels is called the “Sleigh of Love.” This match is a follow-up to an angle Tuesday's Dark: Elevation when Bononi, Avalon and Ryan Nemeth beat up Marko Stunt after his match.

There was a spot early on where Bononi and Luchasaurus were running the ropes and Bononi just… stopped. He was pretty clearly lost, but Taz and Excalibur didn’t even try to cover for it. The fight went to the floor after Avalon tripped up Luchasaurus. Bononi got a near fall after a running boot and some interference from Avalon. A hook kick, chokeslam and standing moonsault got Luchasaurus the win. This was six minutes too long. Bononi is not ready for prime time. 

Leyla Hirsch defeated Savannah Evans (3:20) 

Anthony Ogogo appeared randomly on commentary without any introduction. Hirsch was just recently signed to a AEW contract.

Despite a huge size disadvantage, Hirsch opened the match with a release German suplex. Hirsch also hit an overhead belly-to-belly suplex on her much larger opponent. Hirsch caught Evans in a cross-arm breaker for an immediate submission. In the post match, Hirsch got into an argument with Vicki Guerrero who was in the crowd.  

John Silver (w/ -1) defeated John Skyler (3:14)

I'm guessing Vince McMahon would never allow a match between two men with such similar names. One would lose their first name and the other would be forced to change his first name. Silver won a short match with a helicopter slam out of a torture rack position. 

Penelope Ford (w/ Kip Sabian) defeated Tesha Price (3:24)

Ford looked great here. She got a near fall on Price after a juice box and later missed a handspring elbow in the corner, but came back with a nasty back heel kick. A handspring into a cutter finished off Price. The Ford/Sabian post-match makeout session was interrupted by replays.

Chaos Project (Luther & Serpentico) defeated Fuego Del Sol and Jake St. Patrick (2:45)

I guess if you are gonna insist on booking 28 matches over two days, Chaos Project is gonna have to sneak in there. 

They attacked their opponents before the bell. Luther powerbombed St. Patrick for a near fall that was broken up by del Sol. del Sol got the tag and hit the tornado DDT for the second time in consecutive weeks, but it only got a two count. Luther hit del Sol with a pump kick and Serpentico hit a meteora off the top rope onto del Sol (who was being held prone by Luther) for the win. 

KiLynn King defeated Jazmin Allure (3:36)

Allure looked good, but King came back with a pair of clotheslines, a Polish hammer and a hook kick. King followed that up with ten revolutions on a giant swing. Allure was able to come back with a faceplant out of a cazadora for a near fall. King countered a second attempt on the cazadora with the Kingdom Falls (basically a face plant) to get the win. 

Dark Order (Colt Cabana, Evil Uno, Stu Grayson and Alan Angels) (w/ -1) defeated Angel Fashion, Baron Black, Vary Morales and RYZIN

Morales got caught in the Dark Order corner and it didn’t go well for him. Angels got a near fall after a belly-to-belly into a powerslam, which looked pretty awesome. RYZIN got the tag and got worked over by Cabana. Evil Uno and Black tagged in and Uno dominated. Grayson hit Black with Darkness Falls and Cabana got the submission with the Billy Goat's Curse (a reverse Boston Crab). -1 had to be pulled off of Black after the match. 

Gunn Club (Billy, Austin and Colten Gunn) defeated David Ali, Adam Priest and Seth Gargis (0:54)

This was a quick squash with Austin hitting Ali with the quick draw for the win. That’s how I like my Billy Gunn matches: less than a minute and with him barely involved. 

Bear Country (Bear Bronson and Bear Boulder) defeated Dean Alexander and Brick Aldridge (0:57)

Bear Country teams with Jurassic Express against Matt Hardy’s new unit on Dynamite tomorrow night. Boulder picked up both of his opponents and gave them a vertical powerslam (one on each shoulder) at the same time. He then piled them on top of each other for the Bear Country Jamboree and win. I could watch Bear Country come up with new ways to throw around jobbers all day. 

Nick Comoroto (w/ QT Marshall) defeated D3 (1:51)

D3 tried to use his quickness to avoid Comoroto and that went about as well as you’d expect. A military press slam into a vertical powerslam got the win.

Varsity Blondes defeated Jorel Nelson and Royce Isaacs (4:59) 

Nelson and Isaacs looked pretty good here. Pillman came in on Nelson with a springboard clothesline like his dad’s Air Pillman finisher to get the win. 

Madi Wrenkowski defeated Vertvixen (4:19) 

Wrenkowski and Vertvixen are both students of Thunder Rosa. In somewhat of an upset, Wrenkowski won after an axe kick. 

SCU (Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian) defeated Carlie Bravo and Aaron Solow (8:39) 

By virtue of the squashes they have been winning on Dark, Daniels & Kazarian are the top ranked team in AEW.  Every SCU match has been the same since they started this angle with Daniels getting in trouble in the match and Kazarian bailing out the team for the win. Daniels went for the Angel's Wings on Solow who countered and hit a spin kick. But the kick sent Daniels into his own corner and he tagged in Kazarian who then caught Bravo with a vicious lariat. SCU won with the Best Meltzer Ever. 

This went eight minutes too long. I usually don’t care too much about the length of the squash matches, but how am I supposed to believe a team that needs nine minutes to beat a pair of jobbers is the number one team in AEW? 

Team Taz (Ricky Starks and Brian Cage (w/ Hook) defeated Sonny Kiss and Joey Janela (10:06)

Janela went for a tope on Cage, who caught him and turned it into a vertical suplex on the floor. This resulted in Janela getting worked over by the heels for several minutes. Hook even threw in a cheap shot from the floor. Cage and Starks were subtly not getting along throughout the match, which Taz acknowledged in commentary as frustration after their loss at Revolution. Janela came back with a sliced bread on Starks and got the tag to Kiss, who went after Cage. 

Kiss hit a meteora off the top of Cage for a near fall. Starks and Cage eventually got on the same page and combined to spinebuster Kiss. Kiss and Janela came back to double back suplex Cage.  Janela followed up with a splash from the top and Kiss followed that up with a 450 but it only got a two count.

Cage managed to get Kiss in a powerbomb position while holding up Janela for a powerslam, and then dropped both men in a powerslam/powerbomb combination. Starks then tagged himself back in and hit a spear on Kiss for the win. In the post-match, there was dissension among both teams.

10 (w/ -1) defeated Jack Evans (10:04)

-1 stayed on commentary. This was made as Evans cost 10 the spot in the Revolution ladder Match a few weeks ago as he was paid off by Matt Hardy.

Evans hit a standing skytwister press for a near fall. Evans followed that up with a handspring elbow in the corner that sent Evans to the floor. 10 came back with a pair of powerful clotheslines. 10 whipped Evans in the ropes but they forgot what they were doing and there was an awkward pause in the action. They repeated the spot and this time, Evans kneed 10 in the face to get the advantage back. On commentary, -1 requested they get Paul Wight in for commentary on this match. 

Evans and 10 engaged in some awkward mat work which got me thinking about bowling shoe analogies. 10 came back with a ripcord neckbreaker. Another pair of clotheslines and a whip into the ropes was followed by a backdrop in a sequence I felt like I just saw five minutes ago. 10 hit a spinebuster and when Evans tried a springboard, 10 countered with a spear.

Angelico ran in to distract 10 and Evans hit a low blow followed by a Phoenix splash that got a two count. Evans went for a suplex, but 10 countered into a full nelson, which put Evans out. 10 came up bleeding from the mouth or the nose (it is hard to tell with the mask on). This was not a good match. 

Final Thoughts: 

15 mostly squash matches in one night is an 80s TV taping. Both Dark and Dark: Evolution should really be cut up into one hour shows. A couple of squashes and a solid match or angle is all you need to make an impression. Otherwise, nothing makes an impression. I also don’t see any difference between the two shows other than the commentary teams.