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Lucha Underground TV Report: Johnny Mundo vs. Cuerno cage match

By Jeremy Peeples/@Jeremy_Peeples

We see Pentagon Jr. talk about his monster and get a rundown of his arm-slappings. The Havoc-Ivelisse-Angelico saga is recapped. The Cuerno-Mundo triple arrow of death dive is shown and we see a brief recap of Cuerno talking to Cueto about taking Mundo out. This was all simple, but it told each story just fine. New waterfront exterior shots bring us into the Temple where some new singers are performing. Sadly, Vampiro is just in a black button-down shirt and not something slightly silly. Pentagon comes out while the fans chant his "Zero Fear" slogan in Spanish. Striker gives us surgical updates on all of Pentagon's victims except for Massaro - '90s jobbers must still be using pagers. Argenis faces Pentagon in the opener.

Match 1 - Pentagon Jr. vs. Argenis

Vamp loves Pentagon's "aggressivity". Pentagon catches him off a moonsault, but eats a DDT out of trying to do a tilt-a-whirl gutbuster. He gets sent out and hit with an Asai moonsault and gets 1 off a horrible cover. Argenis hops around to avoid an attack and they wind up on top with a double-standing rana off the top by Argenis. Pentagon hits a dropkick to the gut. Wind-up Wahoo chop of death hits. Gorilla press leads to a slam right into the buckle and a sick head landing. Well, that'll be in GIF form on the Lucha Blog. Then Pentagon racks him and does it again in reverse. This gets 2. Josh Barnett is shown in the crowd while Striker plugs NJPW World Pro Wrestling and Pentagon hits a lariat to Argenis on the apron, sending him down and leading to a somersault flip dive. Running package piledriver hits, leading to the double armbar and the arm snap. Pentagon tells his master that he is prepared. Pentagon Jr. has just about the coolest character in the company - he's going to gain a lot from this run down the line in the U.S. because he stands out a ton.

There's a Miami Vice marathon all day Sunday - yes! Fenix suits up while Catrina tells him that Mil isn't going to stop until he takes all 1,000 of his lives. Catrina says that the only way to survive is to bury Mil, leading to Fenix pondering this was a hilarious puckered face. We see more shots of Konnan in the rain - he is welding a bad-ass new pimp stick and beating the hell out of things with it.  He draws a line in the rain before a goon squad, and they cut away - so we'll see that saga continue next week. This ruled - hopefully El Rey throws it up on their Youtube channel later.

A new dubstep song brings us back to the Temple while we get bizarre shots of Cuerno in a classic pickup coming to his hunting ground - the Temple. Angelico is mid-ring. Vamp says he's not a fan, but the women like him, and he's got a nice waistline. Ivelisse is out with in her booty shorts and gold skirt. Vamp says he can confirm that she is in fact hot and a badass. Son of Havoc is brought out as the referee, complete with a ref shirt underneath his cut.

Match 2 - Ivelisse vs. Angelico with Son of Havoc as referee

Test of strength leads to a kiss on the hand. Nip-up armdrag from Ivie. Go-behind leads to a pop-up armdrag. Running spinning rana from Ivie hits and sends him to the floor. She heads up top and hits a tornado dive - well, that was unexpected and awesome. Ivie dashes in for a dropkick, so Angelico just moves to the side slightly and she wipes out. Bret-style corner bump from Ivie. Dashing corner knee misses for Angelico since Havoc moves her and she goes for kicks, but can't get a kneebar. We get a hilarious bit of  Havoc not counting during suggestive pins and then Havoc trying to pick her up, but Angelico pulling her back down.

This naturally leads to a chop exchange where Havoc prevents chops to Ivie. Angelico gets a suplex, but Ivie turns it into a choke, leading to Angelico groping her ass, or as Vamp calls it the reverse abdominal region. Running Crucifix leads to him rubber her ass in his head a few times, but Havoc saves her from the move and a pop-up rana from Ivie gets 2. She slaps Havoc and Angelico goes to kick Havoc, but he ducks and hits Ivie with a hook kick. An Edge-style humping pin leads to Havoc fast-counting Ivie down to hasten Angelico getting off of her. I love that he has a valid reason to fast-count his girlfriend to where she shouldn't be pissed off, but of course she is, because she is the baddest bitch in the building.

Backstage, Mil Muertes puts his mask on in the bathroom while Catrina talks about meeting him and now their time must come to end. She says that Fenix will put Muertes in a casket, making him a scared boy in the dark once again. The man of 1,000 deaths now has them coming back to him - but at least she returned the stone. Melissa Santos runs down the rules of the cage match - you can win by pinfall, submission, or escape. King Cuerno is the first one out and places the deer head on the post. Mundo comes down while Striker calls him a legitimate rock star. Um, no he's not. His character is a Hollywood star, not a rock star. 

 They go to an ad break and show clips of the Grave Consequences match, which has the most beautiful casket ever in pro wrestling and a giant ceremony to bring it out. It will be commercial-free as well. I normally don't like spoilers on the show itself, but this really sold that match as something you need to see, and they've already told the Muertes story for tonight, and didn't reveal anything in the match, so it worked out pretty well here. Destination America should take notes on how to do spoilers properly instead of revealing the main event's finish 30 minutes into a two hour show.

Main event - Johnny Mundo vs. King Cuerno inside a steel cage

We come back to more dubstep as they lock the cage door. Punches open up the cage match while Cuerno counters a cage shot with a kick. Vamp asks that he and Sting be added to a list of classic rivalries and Striker gives him a polite "okay". Cuerno tosses Mundo up top and eats a back-diving flying knee for 2. Running knee leads to a cradle for 1. Running snap dropkick to Mundo hits and he kicks him down further. Wasteland hits and Cuerno walks the ropes and hits a beautiful splash off the top for a 2 count. The Usos do a nice splash, but that was Superfly-esque in how nice it looked. Mundo goes back up and gets knocked down. Cuerno drop toe-holds Mundo's face into the cage and gets his face raked. Surfboard using the ropes from Cuerno leads to a pseudo curb stomp into the cage. That was fantastic and the next time Seth's in a cage match, he should win with that.

They go back up top and fight with kicks. Cuerno has two legs and wins that war, but he misses a double knee charge into the cage. Mundo gets a breakdancing legdrop for 2. Cuerno hits some solid gut kicks, but gets hiptossed into the cage and lands on his stomach. That was nice and safe and got a "Holy Saturday, Sunday actually" chant - Vamp was hilarious there. Mundo gets some mounted punches, but misses a springboard sunset flip. Mundo does a running Samoan drop into the cage a couple of times before hitting a Finlay roll and a standing SSP for 2.

Mundo tries to escape, but gets his left leg pulled down. Cuerno hits a powerbomb into the cage and then a running Liger bomb for 2. Orton-style punt kick hits Mundo. Cuerno goes up, but wastes too much time. Cuerno could've dropped down, but Mundo grabbed the mask leading to him coming back up. Top rope high kicks land for Mundo, while Cuerno responds with strikes. They both fall weirdly. I think Mundo was going for a facebuster there, but they just kind of fell. A kneeling punch exchange leads to forearms.

Dueling cage smashes lead to a Cuerno superkick. Mundo gets two running cage smashes, but he dashes in and eats an elbow, and responds with a spear for 2. Mundo climbs up, but he's on the deer head side of the cage and has nowhere to go. Nasty chops from Cuerno hit Mundo up top leading to Mundo bonking his head into the cage and flipping him off the cage. Well, that was great. Mundo decides to go for the End of the World off the cage onto a standing Cuerno and thank God, it hits perfectly and he wins. Vamp's "holy shit" got in here without any censoring - kudos to El Rey for letting just about anything fly on this show. That closed out the show - there was nothing with Black Lotus, or even anything with Cueto. This was a wrestling-heavy show and one of the better episodes so far.