It’s Tuesday and you know what that means.
Me last week: “Well, hopefully it’s the last time Dark is 17 matches.”
This week, it’s 18 matches.
Your hosts are Excalibur and Taz. This was taped in Jacksonville, Florida, with no fans, which is probably good because this amount of matches would burn out an actual crowd.
Matt Hardy defeated Jah-C (3:58)
Congratulations to Hardy, whose wife gave birth to their fourth child this week. But he absolutely does not need to get extra reps at this point in a 25-year career. Hardy got the win via tapout after a pair of Side Effects and the Leech (guillotine choke and bodyscissors) to ruin Jah-C's promotional debut.
After the match, Jora Johl (who is apparently a member of the HFO now) toweled Hardy down after his match. This is another problem with shooting two shows of two+ hours of squash content. When did Johl join the HFO? It was assumed we, the viewers, knew this but I had no idea it happened because I don’t have six weekly hours to dedicate to every second of AEW programming and none of this stuff is ever recapped.
Hardy later cut a backstage promo to let us know that he’s won both of the one-on-one matches he’s had with Christian Cage and that he will complete the hat trick on Dynamite tomorrow night.
Brian Cage defeated Foxx Vinyer (1:52)
Cage won after a spinebuster and the Drill Claw. Vinyer looked like any other guy they could have gotten for Cage to throw around.
The Acclaimed defeated Derek Pisaturo & Roman Rozell (4:24)
Max Caster asked Pisature and Rozell, who are doing a military gimmick, where the weapons of mass destruction were. Other than that joke, this was another forgettable squash. Caster hit the Mic Drop on Rozell for the win.
Diamante defeated Harlow O’Hara (3:09)
O’Hara is another debuting talent tonight. Diamante cut an inset promo crowing about main eventing on Dark and Elevation, and threw down a challenge to Big Swole. Diamante won with a standing sliced bread followed by a half straight jacket for the tapout.
Ethan Page defeated Ryan Mantell (2:22)
Scorpio Sky was absolutely irritating on commentary. Page won with the Ego’s Edge crucifix powerbomb in a preview of Page’s coffin match with Darby Allin tomorrow night.
Big Swole defeated Sahara Seven (3:00)
Seven, from Cairo, Egypt, is also making her AEW debut. After weeks of pushing Swole, KiLynn King and Red Velvet as a group, Swole was out here alone. Swole with the Clearwater Cloverleaf, a version of the Texas Cloverleaf applied like Chris Jericho’s old school Liontamer where Swole planted her knee in the back of Seven’s neck.
Post match, Swole delivered an in-ring promo responding to Diamante’s challenge. I don’t think she actually accepted the challenge, but that match is clearly happening.
Dante Martin defeated RSP (5:13)
RSP is Rickey Shane Page, another talent making their AEW debut. He threw his jacket at Martin and Martin responded by jumping out of the ring and nailing him with a rana. In the ring for the proper start of the match, RSP used his size advantage to get the advantage. Martin came back with a crossbody and the crowd was firmly behind him. He hit a double jump springboard moonsault for a near fall with a cazadora and a hook kick also getting Martin near falls.
RSP came back with an enziguri and then followed up with a frog splash for a near fall. RSP went to the top again for a senton, but Martin moved. Martin hit a second rope flipping rana and then a flip stunner for the pinfall. Martin fighting from underneath is always a winning idea.
Evil Uno & Stu Grayson (w/ -1) defeated Papadon & Sean Maluta (5:21)
Uno delivered a piledriver on Papadon while Grayson hit a running punt at the same time to get the win for the Dark Order.
Ryan Nemeth (w/ The Wingmen) defeated Marcus Kross
Nemeth won with a hangman’s neckbreaker.
Penelope Ford defeated Robyn Renegade (3:29)
Ford won with a gutbuster in a match she mainly dominated. Ford looked good here in a preview for her Dynamite match with Yuka Sakazaki.
Frankie Kazarian defeated Austin Green (w/ The Diamond Sheik) (3:17)
Green is -- say it with me -- making his AEW debut tonight. Green is huge and took Kazarian down with a one-handed spinebuster. The Diamond Sheik looks like a money act as a manager but how many managers does this company need? The whole Green & Sheik act seems like the kind of thing that should have been built up for a month with Green winning a biggish match on Elevation or Rampage.
Instead, Kazarian got dominated for most of the match, but came back with a clothesline and got the tapout with the crossface chicken wing. Green tapped out and ruined any aura the big guy could have had with a better debut. I’m thoroughly confused by this.
Lee Johnson & Brock Anderson (w/ Arn Anderson and Dustin Rhodes) defeated Mark Davidson & Aaron Frye (4:23)
Anderson got the pin for his team after a spinebuster on Frye.
Julia Hart (w/ The Varsity Blonds) defeated Madi Wrenkowski (4:19)
Hart got a near fall following a standing moonsault that probably should have been the finish. She then won with the split legdrop across Wrenkowski’s chest.
The Blade (w/ the Bunny and Matt Hardy) defeated Jake Tucker (1:48)
Blade won with the doctor bomb (gutwrench suplex into a sit-down powerbomb) in a quick squash.
Private Party (w/ Matt Hardy) defeated Joeasa & Deonn Rusman (3:27)
Private Party got the win after a pair of enziguris on Rusman.
Powerhouse Hobbs defeated Travis Titan (0:05)
Hobbs attacked Titan on the floor before the opening bell. Back in the ring, the bell rang and Hobbs hit Titan with a spinebuster and got the pin quickly.
Gunn Clubb (Billy & Colten) defeated Cezar Bononi & JD Drake (w/ Peter Avalon) (5:50)
Billy Gunn does not need to be wrestling in 2021. He ate a right hand from Drake and Bononi took over on Gunn, knocking him out of the ring. Billy looked sad out there, not selling but like a beaten old man who couldn’t catch his breath. On the floor, he avoided a charge from Bononi, who hit the ring barricade. Tags were made on both sides and Colton dominated both Bononi and Drake while his father looked miserable out on the floor trying to catch his breath.
Bononi hit Billy with an elbow on the floor and then did the same to his son. Drake hit Colten with a cannonball, but missed a Vader bomb. Billy got the tag and hit a famouser that didn’t even get a one count. Colten tagged back in and hit the Colt 45 on Bononi for the win.
Billy said, “way too old for this” into the camera and that was a shoot, brother. I don’t think Gunn is that good at selling and looked terrible out there.
Angelico defeated Wheeler Yuta (8:04)
Earlier, Dasha interviewed Angelico and Jack Evans about Yuta. Angelico wasn’t going to take him seriously at first, but Evans started pointed out how good Yuta was. So now, Angelico has to take him seriously.
Angelico is the champion of AEW Dark over this last month. I don’t like that they’re going to this match right away as they should have given Yuta some wins against tomato cans after his victory over Ryan Nemeth recently.
Angelico went for the Navarro Death Roll early, but Yuta was able to kick him away. Yuta got near falls after a top rope crossbody and an Angle slam. He followed up with a beautiful German suplex and bridge for a near fall. Yuta came off the top, but was met with a dropkick from Angelico. He immediately applied the Navaro Death Roll for the submission.
A show of 18 squash matches is insane. Combined with Dark: Elevation, that’s 33 matches in two days. Also, now that crowds are back on the main shows, Dark is literally a dark, depressing show to watch from Jacksonville with no fans.