Skip to main content

WWE Main Event results: Braun Strowman in singles action; Naomi vs. Paige

Braun Strowman

Bo Dallas w/ Social Outcasts def. Darren Young by pinfall

This week’s Main Event emanates from Indianapolis, dubbed the heartland of America because “the brain isn’t here”. Jerry Lawler, ladies and gentlemen!

Unfortunately the Social Outcasts emerge at the top of the ramp with microphones in hand. Adam Rose continues the WWE writers’ current trend of scripting shitty metaphors for its performers in lieu of comedy (see The New Day) by comparing his faction to “four Harley Davidson motorbikes (that) own the road”. Rose then interrupts Bo to suggest that “biker jackets” might be the missing piece of puzzle. Bo wants to get their “names on the back”, but promises to “run Darren Young off the road” first. Hurray.

Bo shows great professionalism here by not joining in the Bo Train he signals for after cutting off Young’s shine with a neckbreaker. I begin to fear the prospect of five minutes of Bo Dallas on offence, but my concerns are misplaced. Young quickly cuts Bo off with a back suplex on the apron. He then dodges Outcast interference on the floor, back body dropping Rose into Axel. Alas for the last Prime Time Player standing, Bo counters an out-to-in sunset flip by grabbing the ropes to secure the win.

Naomi w/ Tamina def. Paige by submission

Lots of delaying tactics from Naomi in the early going of this one, as she stalls and stretches on the outside. Lawler recommends against Paige going outside to fetch her, as that’s “Tamina’s house”.

Good match here, of which roughly ten minutes was aired - with the caveat that it did incorporate a number of the most annoying Divas spots. Case in point: Paige’s shine was punctuated by Naomi sticking her buns in her face while balanced on the top turnbuckle. That’s dumb.

Also dumb are the consecutive cheerleader kicks that Naomi has taken to using. As is Paige’s inevitably orbital-breaking running knee spot. And her stupid “THIS IS MY HOUSE!” catchphrase; the most irritating in modern wrestling, for my money.

The finish saw Paige counter a running bulldog attempt from Naomi, throwing her head first into the turnbuckle. She followed up with the Rampaige, only for Tamina to foil her by pulling her gurl out of the ring. Paige superkicks Tamina, reminds her again where her abode is, before running right into the Naomi Calls That The Rear View. This only gets two however, leading into an awkward reversal sequence and Naomi’s weak sauce looking submission finish. I’m making it sound crummy by harping on the flaws, but it was very watchable fare really. Really!

Ryback def. Tyler Breeze by pinfall

They show Ryback’s RAW walkout before the match to rub in the fact that The Big Guy wrestling as a babyface here makes no sense. At this point there is over 10 minutes left (excluding commercials), which leaves me wondering how they’re going to manage a believable long-form match where Breeze is on offence for a period of time.

I needn’t have worried. This was wrapped in four minutes; enough time for Indianapolis to treat Ryback to some light “Gold-berg” chants. The finish saw the newly-minted/soon-to-be heel catch Breeze off a high cross and hoist him up for the Shellshock. There was time during the match however, for Tyler to hit a ridiculous looking ‘rana.

Braun Strowman def. Fandango by submission

Yes, this is why the first and third matches got less than five minutes! Braun Strowman’s second singles match of the year! Hold the front page!

Yes, there was clubbering. Yes, there was trapezius grabbing. Yes, Fandango did get Brauny down to one knee, only to whiff on a DDT and get tossed into the air. Yes, he did in fact then get put down with the Hug of Doom. It lasted less than two minutes. This was a very good thing. The Wyatts posed to close the show.

Final Thoughts

Quite what Braun Strowman is going to learn from sub-two minute squashes is anyone’s guess. But I ain’t complaining. His placement on this show, coupled with his removal from the six-man tag rematch on RAW, represent further signs that Vince has soured on him for the time being. Given that the prospect of a Strowman/Undertaker match was mooted as recently as one month ago, I think we can all be happy about that. Even those carping about the return of The Money.

Not a great show this week. Although, the Divas match is worth a watch, notwithstanding some of the maddening nonsense the agents have them do.