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WWE Superstars results: The Usos v The Ascension, plus Miz in action!

The Usos v The Ascension

The Big Takeaway: The Miz stole a win from Zack Ryder in a fun opener and The Usos got the win in a by the numbers main event.

*****

The Miz beat Zack Ryder (5:44)

So the last few weeks, I’ve noticed that Greg Hamilton is only ring announcing duties. I have no doubt that his voice is what this company is looking for, but he’s not exactly what we’ve come to expect in terms of the visual product; he’s slightly tubby and isn’t a hot, female 20-something. Justin Roberts might well wonder what he did wrong.

Miz takes his glasses off, and Ryder starts to garner some ‘woo’ chants. I wrote about Ryder’s ‘Just for Men’ beard the other week and I can’t have been the only one because Rich Brennan says on commentary that he has talked to Ryder this week who assures him it is ‘all natural’. Miz kicks Ryder in the gut and slaps on a headlock. Ryder reverses and out of the Irish whip, shoulder blocks Miz and then atomic drops him. He then flapjacks Miz who takes refuge in the ropes. He comes off them with a huge forearm. A basement drop kick from Miz gets a two count.

Miz uses the middle rope to choke out Ryder and then uses knees to the spine and then puts on a rear chin lock. Ryder gets out with a jawbreaker, but Miz gets him back with a neckbreaker for a two count. Miz delights in his progress and poses to the crowd, but then stomps all over Ryder. Ryder gets beaten down some more until Ryder reverses a suplex into a neckbreaker. Both go down.

Ryder then gets the heat with clotheslines; a middle rope missile drop kick; a running forearm and a Broski Boot, which is scouted. The Miz rolls outside but Ryder hits him with a drop kick through the ropes anyway. Ryder goes up top and lands Miz with an elbow drop for a two count. Ryder goes for the Rough Ryder but Miz counters and hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the win.

The Usos beat The Ascension (8:04)

The Usos’ entrance when a crowd is hot and waiting for Raw is pretty exciting. It is really over here; the response to their call is deafening. Jimmy and Konnor start things off, with chops from Jimmy. Konnor shoulder barges Jimmy to the mat and so Viktor tags in, two. Chops to the corner are then met with some from his own from Jimmy. Jimmy tags in Jey, who goes up top and hits a double axe handle. Jey starts to work over Viktor and then stops him. He does a little boogey and then slaps him. Jey runs riot, sending The Ascension outside as we head to a break.

When we return, Konnor is beating the heck out of Jey. During the break we missed some really good stuff, we’re told. And then shown. Why? On an internet-only show? I have no idea. How annoying. Viktor tags in and mocks The Usos. He stomps Jey and then applies a chin lock. Jey is double teamed as Then Ascension cut off the ring. Konnor tags in, slaps on a rear chin lock. They tease Jey making a tag, but Konnor stops it from happening and then, as the ref is distracted, telling Jimmy to get back, The Ascension are cheap-shotting Jey. Off a European uppercut, Jey kicks out at two.

Finally after a jawbreaker, Jimmy gets in. He clotheslines, superkicks and uppercuts Viktor. Konnor tags in, and gets Samoan dropped and stink-faced. Viktor eats an enzugiri and then Konnor takes stereo superkicks. Jimmy topes onto Viktor outside while Jey hits Konnor with the top rope splash for the win.