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Total Divastation: WWE Total Divas episode 12 recap

Total Divas season 5 cast

Submitted by Kevin LaRose

Welcome to the biggest party of the year, the Total Divas after WrestleMania, where up is down and down is out of control. Sit back, strap it on, and enjoy yourself, WWE Universe, because this is going to be one hell of a wild ride. 

In Cincinnati, JoJo, Mandy, and Rosa are sitting around in catering talking about Rosa’s baby shower. Paige sits at another table. She has too much on her plate to deal with baby stuff. Rosa and Fox go sit with her and try to make her talk about Rosa’s big, famous baby shower.

Brie shows Nikki a picture of a house in Washington. Nikki is so mad that Brie wants to move to Washington. Nikki is excited to go to the wine bar there, but she wants to wear heeled Timberlands when they go hiking.

Someone spanks Nattie.

Work has been going great for Fox, but due to Nikki’s injury, she is getting some time off, too. Which is good for her, because she has some family issues to take care of.

In a hotel bar, Fox and Paige have a drink and commiserate. Fox is so tired. Her family is coming in and she wants to have a family talk. A father figure in her life, Priechy, who her mother used to date, is dying, and it’s making her realize she has to deal with all the dysfunction. Paige tells Fox that she has to talk to her family. Fox is going to miss Rosa’s big, famous baby shower.

In a car in Washington, Brie’s brother points out a bumper sticker with a dick joke. Everyone loves it. Nikki likes Washington, but she hates how rural it is. Brie and Nikki argue over how high maintenance Nikki is. Bryan joins in.

Back in Florida, Fox tells Rosa she can’t go to her big, famous baby shower. Rosa doesn’t understand. She gets upset and walks away.

In Washington, they are in the backwoods, on a dirt road. It’s beautiful. Nikki hates it. She is wearing high heeled camping boots. Nikki is crazy. They are looking at an empty lot. Bryan and Brie consider building a house there. Nikki is pissed because she doesn’t want to go there when John is filming a movie.

In Florida, Fox is driving with her sister. She starts crying really hard, talking about her mother. Her mom recently blew her off in Houston. Her sister calms her down.

Back in Washington, the music is intense as everyone pulls up to a beautiful house where if you want water, you have to get it from a well. Nikki is pissed, and Bryan acts passive aggressive. Nikki tells everyone she is a good person.

In Florida, Fox’s mom arrives. They reminisce in the car. Fox and her sister don’t like their mom’s perfume. It smells gross.

At Raw, Rosa is backstage. She sits down with Mandy and Eva. No one is going to Rosa’s big, famous baby shower. Paige has a secret that she’s been hiding and she needs to tell it to Rosa. In the ring, Paige symbolically taps out to Nattie’s Sharpshooter. Big Show thinks Paige looks sad. He comforts her backstage and pulls her aside for a pep talk. Paige reveals that she once lost a baby, and that she had to have a cyst removed and she may never be able to have kids. That’s why Rosa’s big, famous baby shower thing has been so hard for her.

In Florida, Fox and her family go to a really nice outdoor restaurant right on the beach. It’s the kind of place you go on vacation, but Fox can eat there whenever she wantsbecause she lives in town. I’m getting so chilled out just imagining being there. This is, by far and away, my favorite place I have ever seen anyone ever eat on Total Divas. It’s a shame that this has to be the place for Fox to hold her big family meeting, and she can’t just relax with a cold drink. But maybe the chill vibes are just what she needs to make a tense situation manageable for her. I think she made a great choice in restaurants. Priechy shows up. Fox’s mom already knew about his illness, but she never told her daughters. This pisses Fox off.

Back in Washington, Nikki and Bryan make a bet that she can’t last the night camping outside. Nikki tries to set up a tent, but she’s having trouble. Bryan teaches her and shegets it. Bryan tells her she has to use the bathroom outside. Nikki says no way, and Bryan wins the bet and fifty dollars in cold, hard cash.

In Los Angeles, Rosa and Paige are driving around. Paige tells Rosa that she can’t go to Rosa’s big, famous baby shower because she has to go on MTV. Rosa is so pissed.No one is coming to the party now.

In Washington, Bryan is chopping wood. Nikki remembers her victory over Bryan in a wood chopping contest many years ago on another season of Total Divas. Thisawakens the competitive fire in Nikki’s heart, and she decides she wants to go fly fishing. Nikki chops wood.

In Florida, the Fox family are going to another chill looking outdoor restaurant in Jacksonville. This episode is doing a great job making me want to move to Florida. Fox confronts her.

In Washington, Nikki goes fishing and Brie and Bryan go shopping. Brie comments on the irony. They look at baby hiking books. Meanwhile, Nikki is learning to fish. She isstarting to come around to the Washington lifestyle. She realizes that her problem isn’t with Washington, it’s that everyone is moving to the next step in their lives, but she isn’t ready yet.

Back in Florida, Fox and her mom leave the restaurant, and start fighting. Her mom is acting like a total nut. Fox feels guilty, but she really doesn’t need to. Her mom appearsin this episode as the dictionary definition of dysfunctional. Fox drops her mom off, and she is really sad about what happened.

Back in LA, It’s time for Rosa’s big, famous baby shower. There is a photo booth. Rosa is so sad that none of her work friends are there. She is especially mad at Paige. Lillian Garcia shows up, and they take a picture together.

On the MTV set, a strange guy talks to Paige. Paige feels like she is betraying Rosa. Perhaps all the Divas’ problems would be solved with a little truth and transparency.

At Rosa’s party, Rosa talks smack about Paige, and then Paige surprises everyone and shows up. Paige tells Rosa her secret. They hug, and Rosa realizes she’s been a little selfish. Paige hopes to one day be a mom, as good of a mom as she has. They play a game called suck the nipple.

Back in Washington, everyone goes to this really nice North Western styled bistro. Nikki loves it. She tells Brie she is pissed that Washington is too far from her. Nikki tells them she feels like they are moving there to get away from her. She said she went fishing to prove to them that she can be a mountain mama and hang with them in the Wilderness. They tell her that they love having Nikki be their third wheel. Everyone feels a lot better. Brie tells them that they probably aren’t going to move to that particular town anyway.

That's it for this week on WWE Total Divas.