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WWE Main Event results: The Boss returns to ruin Summer Rae's "New Error"

Boss

Vaudevillains in-ring promo

The New Era overload continues as Aiden English boasts that leaving the New Day laying “singlehandedly” on RAW proves, once and for all, that the “New Era” reflects the “Bygone Era”, whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean. Simon Gotch then introduces English’s “pre-emptive eulogy” for the New Day’s tag team titles “in the form of song”. English makes a unbelievably terrible World’s Fair reference before singing for a little while until Enzo & Cass interrupt.

Enzo does his “couple of haters” line, prompting Gotch to ask, non-rhetorically, if he remembers Payback. English reckons that the little man’s head is “S.O.F.T.” after the concussion he sustained on that particular Sunday. And then, Big Cass if forced to recite a line so awful that it almost matched the cruddy material he was given on this very show a few weeks ago. Cass threatens to beat their “rusty pipes….back into Prohibition” so they won’t be able to “speak easy”. Wow.

Enzo & Cass def. The Vaudevillains by pinfall

The usual 12 minute opening match, four minutes of which is (fortunately) lost to a commercial break. Gotch and English got the heat on Enzo for an absolute eon. Nobody cared. Eventually Cass did his brief hot tag schtick before setting up Enzo for the silly-looking Rocket Launcher.

Zack Ryder def. Viktor by pinfall

Viktor, now kitted out with Darth Maul-esque face-paint, delightfully poses the question, “Where’s your ‘woo woo’ now?”, during the heat. His smugness doesn’t last long however, with Ryder wrapping this one up in under five minutes. The finish saw Viktor get cut off while perched on the top rope. Ryder then hit a ‘rana, followed by the Broski Boot and an Elbro Drop.

Sasha Banks def. Summer Rae by submission w/ Dolph Ziggler on commentary

Looks like I wasn’t the only one who appreciated Ziggler’s over-exuberant contributions to the announce booth on last week’s show. Despite having no connection to any current Women’s division storyline, he’s back again to lend his thoughts on Banks’ first televised match since April 18. Ziggler does however reference his history with Summer Rae, which is a nice touch.

Summer cuts a promo before Banks’ entrance, following up a mention of the brand extension with a hilariously apt slip of the tongue: “New Error”. She reckons that the entire WWE Universe is wondering which show she will end up on. Meanwhile, all three announcers are laughing openly.

Sasha eventually interrupts, but is quickly cut off by Summer, who mocks her for failing at Wrestlemania. The Boss tells Summer that, despite her thoughts to the contrary, Summer “wouldn’t be Women’s champion at Wrestlemania…..you can’t even hold my mic!”. I guess that’s supposed to be a burn in the writers’ universe, but Summer ruins it by catching the thrown mic! The three announcers again laugh uproariously, with Dolph selling the catch like it was the greatest thing he’s ever seen: “BUT SHE HELD IT!”.

The match itself was short, at six minutes, but perfectly acceptable. Sasha’s comeback kicked off with running double knees into the face of Summer Rae, with The Boss hanging on for a subsequent pinfall attempt (Dolph: “It would be hard for me to kick out of that, King”). More knee-based offence got cut off by a vicious-looking DDT from Summer, before Sasha caught a spin kick attempt and transitioned straight into a Banks Statement. Summer tapped with both hands, which caused Dolph to lose his bowel contents again: “Double tap, TP!”. The final line uttered, as the show went off the air, was also Ziggler’s: “I love this so much!”.

Final Thoughts

As weird as it is to say, Dolph Ziggler’s announcing saved this show. I’m as surprised as you are. The guy’s overconfident, handsy, depth-free promos bug the hell out of me, but he appears to have an aptitude for this; more of an aptitude than he has for stand-up comedy, at least. Meanwhile, everything the Vaudevillains touch continues to turn to ice, as Enzo & Cass are finally involved in a segment so badly scripted that even Enzo’s delivery can’t save it.