About Us  |   Contact

WWF Tuesday Night Titans episode 30 review: Bobby Heenan, Pat Patterson, The British Bulldogs, Moondog Spot

Bob Orton

By Joshua Molina for WrestlingObserver.com

- Air date: April 18, 1985
- Run time: 48 minutes
- Stars of the show: Bobby Heenan’s perm, Moondog Spot and Lord Alfred Hayes

Hulk Hogan, the only professional wrestler to appear in a XXX video worse than Chyna and X-Pac's, isn’t on this week’s show so we thankfully don’t have to go there, at least not this week.

Instead we get the Return of the Mack: Lord Alfred Hayes, who played an entertaining role during the first few weeks of the show, but then evaporated into nothingness as the show shrunk from two hours to one, and Vince McMahon emerged as the focal point of the show.

Hayes is back for at least this episode, though, sassy, aggressive and downright rude at some points. I mean, he slapped the paw of defenseless little doggie in national television just because the dog took some food that didn’t belong to him! 

What kind of English gentleman is Hayes, abusing dogs like this. Well, as you will find out, it’s slightly more complicated. It is Tuesday Night Titans (on Friday nights) after all, where Johnny Carson meets The Carol Burnett Show meets Hee Haw. 

It’s absolute splendor. 

The show starts off with guests Bobby “The Brain” Heenan and “Big” John Studd.

Heenan is sporting the most outstanding perm ever (see above). Not sure what happened here, but if Moondog Spot whom we will meet later was supposed to be mangy mutt, Heenan looks like a French poodle. No one acknowledged the hairdo on the show, which made it funnier, since it obviously was not intended. 

Bobby Heenan

McMahon asks the duo if they like to drink tea, since later in the episode Hayes and the British Bulldogs will enjoy High Tea. Heenan says, “I don’t drink Tea. I don’t like anything English,” getting a rise out of Hayes who says, “Thank goodness for that.”

Suddenly in this episode Hayes becomes a bigger defender of England than Bret Hart of Canada. McMahon, ever the instigator, asks Studd if he likes Tea, illiciting the expected response of, “NO, I DON’T LIKE TEA.”

McMahon, because he is McMahon, asks Studd if he likes slams. Studd, of course, lost the bodyslam challenge to Andre the Giant at WrestleMania, although apparently not if you ask Heenan. Heenan, who deserves an Emmy for his perfect portrayal of a coward and a bully simultaneously, says Studd has never been slammed and that he never will. 

McMahon, thrilled that he doesn’t have to live out of trailer park again since WrestleMania was successful and his gamble paid off, says, “Over a million people saw Wrestlemania and saw you get slammed.”

Heenan says what they saw was “an optical delusion. This man was moving so fast it may have looked like he was slammed, but he wasn’t,” Heenan said. Besides, “I am the brain, I don't care what a million people say about anything.”

Heenan is the one who is delusional. McMahon asks Studd, “what are your goals now,” like he were Frank Mir at the end of his career or something. Studd says he plans to go after Hulk Hogan and win the World Wrestling Federation championships.

“If I got rid of Andre The Giant. It won't be long before I get that World Wrestling Federation championship,” Studd says.

See, the even-steven booking was true even in 1985. Studd loses, gets a title shot. There’s still hope for you Roman Reigns. Heenan relaxes the tension with humor by saying “Hogan needs these little white sock humanoids” to cheer him. This may have been the first time Heenan used the word Humanoids? The dawning of a new era.

Heenan promises that you will only hear two things when Studd gets his hands on Hogan: The bell to start the match and the bell to end the match. Hayes, since he apparently found his groove again this week, offers his commentary: 

Lord Alfred Hayes

“The match would be classical, but I would have to give Hogan the advantage,” Hayes says. Who needs Corey Graves with this kind of insight. Our next guests are Mr. Fuji and Moondog Spot .

Moondog Spot

Hayes chimes in again with, “what is that smell?” Fuji says it is “Louisiana swamp cologne.” LOL.

Fuji explains that he found Spot in a Louisiana swamp, alongside the piranhas, alligators and snakes. Fuji references Moondog Rex, explaining that he had to send him back to the swamp for more training and came back with Spot. I wonder if Rex failed a WWF’s wellness policy test?

We go to the ring to see tag team action featuring Rex and Spot against Jim Powers and some jobber whom I don’t recognize and the announcers never said his name. So even though Rex is supposedly licking himself in a Louisiana swamp, here he is on our TV in tag team action. Was the TNA production crew filming this time travel stuff?

Jack Reynolds and Angelo Mosca are doing the announcing McMahon must have unloaded these guys fairly soon because they certainly aren’t part of the WWF 1980s lore. This is an awful match, even by mid-1980s WWF standards.

The Moondogs were slow and deliberate and Powers or his mystery partner did much to sell their beatdown. The moondogs finally won with a Demolition-like elbow from the second rope onto his opponent, held down by the other Moondog. 

Back on the TNT set, McMahon asks Fuji if he would let Spot speak for himself to talk about his victory. Fuji gives him the command to speak and Spot barks, “ruff, ruff.” See? Trish Stratus wasn’t the only one to play the role of beleaguered pooch

Fuji then says, “This is very unusual dog, he's hungry." Oh no, we can all see where this is headed. 

Our next guests are the British Bulldogs, the Dynamite Kid and Davey Boy Smith. For some reason, Hayes asks Fuji and Spot to stick around for the Bulldogs segment.

Davey Boy explains a bit of their background, saying that they are cousins and they have been tag team partners for seven years. “We work together,” Davey Boy says. “I know what he's thinking. He knows what I am thinking.”

The Dynamite Kid says the tag team built their name in Europe and Japan “and now we are going to prove it in the United States.”

We’re in the ring now with tag team action of the Bulldogs against Matt Borne and and AJ Petruzzi.

Matt Borne

Borne, of course, died a few years ago, and was a fantastic wrestler before he because more widely known as “Doink The Clown.” I don’t know much about AJ Petruzzi, other than it is clear that Mick Foley stole his Cactus Jack and Dude Love gimmick from him.

AJ Petruzzi

It felt like something special when the Bulldogs were announced. Vince McMahon and Bruno Sammartino were calling the match. “These Bulldogs are lightning quick,” Sammartino says.

British Bulldogs

It’s incredible how much The Dynamite Kid looks like Chris Benoit in the ring. Similar bodies and similar moves. Bruno goes off on their looks. “They are greatly conditioned athletes,” he says. “You can tell they spend a lot of time in the gym.”

Actually you can tell they spend a lot of time in the wrestling ring. The British Bulldogs are awesome, and it’s sad to know how they ended up. The Bulldogs won when The Dynamite Kid jumped from the top rope off the back of Borne, held up by Davey Boy, into a diving head butt onto Petruzzi.

British Bulldogs

Back on the couch, the Bulldogs are quiet and The Dynamite Kid looks like he’s falling asleep. McMahon asks The Bulldogs about the tag team champions and Davey Boy puts the champs over.

British Bulldogs 

“Nikolai is a guy and Sheik is a great wrestler,” Davey Boy said. The Dynamite Kid says Sheik and Volkoff are strong guys who will do damage if you let them do damage, but that the Bulldogs are going to dance around the ring and make them a make a mistake.

Next up we have High Tea with the Bulldogs and the Moondog.

High Tea

Hayes introduces the stuffy English guy as “not a butler,” but a “gentleman sent from the British Embassy.” Hayes says his name is Stuart Granger. The graphic on the screen, unfortunately for Hayes, reveals him as “The Butler.”

As the butler is explaining the process for drinking tea, Hayes decides to become way too annoyed with Spot. He asks the butler what they are going to do about Spot, and he responds that “maybe we could give him a glass of milk or a saucer on the carpet.” 

Alfred Hayes

Hayes is in full-on giddy mode, calling the crumpets and cookies “scrumptious-looking edibles.” But Hayes’ good mood is about to change. Spot in the corner is becoming increasingly agitated. He walks over to the food table and grabs one of the crumpets, a move that enraged Hayes who proceeded to SLAP Spot on the hand.

“Get your paws off of that!” Hayes shouts.

The butler is serving pork pies, shortcakes and crumpets, when Spot goes after the food again, pawing at it rather than waiting for the butler to serve it. 

Fuji is now mysteriously upset over the Spot’s behavior and decides to BREAK A PLATE OVER SPOT’s head.” This is going to end really bad. Hayes blurts out “please control yourself and your animal! That is a priceless piece of pottery!”

Hayes now lays down the law and tells the butler not to pass the tea “to the fellow at the end. I have never seen anything so vile,” Hayes said. 

Now Stuart Granger, the butler, is coming unglued. “Never in 40 years have I seen anything so degrading,” he says. 

Spot can hold it in anymore. He starts attacking the food and and breaking the China. This time, however, Fuji is on board. Fuji picks up a broken plate and says, “This is cheap China. This is not Japanese China.”

Fuji then commands Spot to destroy the set and Spot goes off. It’s funny to see Hayes, McMahon and the butler freaking out over Spot, but the two professional wrestlers in the room, the Bulldogs, sitting quietly in a daze on the couch, doing nothing. 

Broken Chyna

Next up we get Pat Patterson, McMahon’s right hand man for much of the past three decades. McMahon announces him as “one of the premiere wrestlers in the World Wrestling Federation and more than one million people saw him as a guest referee at WrestleMania.”

Pat Patterson

McMahon asks Patterson what he thought of the High Tea segment and Patterson calls spot “disgraceful.” Yeah, Patterson, that’s way worse than wrestling in a bra and panties match as a 55-year-old man on Monday Night Raw. Hayes tells Patterson in a deadpan voice, “He didn’t even have a flea collar.”

McMahon that speaks the most awkward line of the night:

“You have served so many different functions in professional wrestling over the years.” Yep. 

Patterson is on the show to talk about his referee appearance at WrestleMania. Supposedly, Ali was going to be the in-ring referee at the show, but Patterson determined that he was unfit for the job after talking to him prior to the show. So they turned Ali into the out-of-the-ring enforcer and Patterson inside to maintain the action. 

Patterson said he could have disqualified everybody during the first five minutes of the match. 

We go to Madison Square Garden and see Ali entering the ring. Jesse “The Body” Ventura says “He looks like he is in fantastic condition. He looks like he can go 12 rounds right now without breaking a sweat.” It’s Patterson’s night. Not only do we get highlights from WrestleMania, we get to see him in the ring against “Cowboy” Bob Orton.

Again, I am surprised at what a good worker Orton is. I can see where Randy got much of his in-ring technical ability. Both Patterson and Orton are good old-school workers. Neither had a great body, but they both understood the art and psychology of the sport. The two had some great spots. Patterson slammed his leg on the ring post outside before slapping on the figure-four-leglock on Orton.

Pat Patterson

Orton gets to the ropes and turns the tables. Orton went for a pin and Patterson put his leg on the ropes. Orton thought he had won the match, so he popped up and walked across the ring, only for Patterson to roll up behind him into a schoolboy. Orton rolled through it and rolled up Patterson, lifting up his tights and exposing his digitally altered backside. 

Bob Orton

Back on the TNT couch, Patterson makes no excuses, saying Orton “outsmarted me.” McMahon ends the segment saying “there’s no telling where Mr. Patterson is going to turn up and in what capacity.”

The show wraps up with McMahon announcing that next week the guests will include King Kong Bundy, Jimmy Hart, Dr. Jerry Graham and “bikini-clad ladies.”

TNT continues to entertain in a way no professional wrestling show ever has. It’s a window into the heyday of comedic greats such as Heenan, and the formation of Mr. McMahon, working as an agitator to the guests. The High Tea segment was not exactly among the best moments in television history, but it is clever in its own way, and hilarious to a professional wrestling fan. It’s also amazing to think that this campy show would be part of the palette of television offerings that would propel professional wrestling into the pop culture constant it is now.