By Jeremy Peeples, WrestlingObserver.com
Last week, Bully Ray debuted as The Law, Tigre Uno retained the X Title with a botched Phoenix splash, while Brooke won the Knockouts title with a botched X Factor. Drew Galloway won a battle royal to get a title shot at EC3. Thanks to Eli Drake turning on Drew and hitting him with his crutch, EC3 retained his title.
Dixie comes down to the ring for a very important announcement - the Hall of Fame induction of Jeff Jarrett. Jeff gets an epic video package spanning his Memphis days with footage, some WWF photos with Owen, and some hilarious hyperbole. Pope congratulates Jeff Jarrett for his induction while Josh talks about him being the King of the Mountain, and we'll see that tonight as they air the Slammiversary match. Spud faces EY in a chain match, while Roode faces Matt in a number one contender's match. Tigre Uno cuts a promo on Donald Trump and to start the show off, we get Magnus vs. Bram in a street fight for some reason.
Magnus vs. Bram - Street Fight
Josh talks about their past, but we don't know why this match is happening now. They brawl on the floor Magnus gets a superplex in this street fight and boots him in the face. Josh runs through Bram's many nicknames while he gets some trash cans and hits a cookie sheet shot. Bram, the most dangerous man in TNA according to Josh, gets a trash can on his head and gets hit with a chair before falling like a tree to the mat. Magnus gets his super-slick flying elbow for 2. Magnus gets the spine shaker/Mark of Excellence for 2. Bram gets a low blow and a modified schoolboy for the win. Storm comes down with a bull rope and hits Magnus with the cow bell. Storm says we'll know who his partner is, and he gets another kick in. We get a replay of Eli Drake attacking Drew, and we'll hear his explanation next. What explanation does he really need? "This team I was only in for a few weeks broke up, so I had no use for this guy".
Drew Galloway and Eli Drake Have a Brief, Friendly Chat
Eli comes out and Josh is offended by what he did, so Josh is a face for this segment. Eli comes out to an entrance video of himself turning to the side slightly and mocks the fans for being dummies. Eli says that "E-li Drake is a creator of circumstance" and he made a circumstance that benefited him. Drake mocks #standup and says they can all sit down. He hasn't been given much in TNA so far, but he's making the most of this chance and is shining brightly here. Drew says that he brought Drake into the Rising and people think he's older than he is because he's been around for 15 years, and he in fact has a torn shoulder now - which at least explains him looking like hell recently.
Drew says he'll make Eli famous. Drew is now stealing likes from Big Evil Taker, and is trying to make Eli famous. On Destination America!? They fight and Eli low blows him and they fight for a bit. Okay then. Taryn wants to call Gail out, but only inside the steel cage. Why does she want a cage? Logically, she should want a one on three trap for Gail in there, but Josh always points out how easy it is to get into TNA's cage, so why bother?
Taryn and Brooke Have a Long, Screechy Chat
Josh runs down the Taryn-Gail feud and Josh throws to Christy plugging Pit Wars, but Taryn comes out first and blames Christy and the fans for her title loss. Taryn says she won't leave until she gets her title back and she wants Bully to give her a shot and screeches. Brooke comes out and knocks over the dollhouse while saying that the fans are important, not Taryn. Brooke knocks the "doll-hoes" and they have another long exchange of saying annoying things. Brooke lures Taryn to the ramp so Gail can attack the Dolls in the cage. Gail beats them up and Brooke chases Taryn up the ramp. Taryn has a tantrum on the ramp while Gail and Brooke stand tall. The King of the Mountain match from this year's Slammiversary is next. Josh says that we'll see the whole thing, so hopefully they go through with that.
King of the Mountain 2015 Match
If you hadn't heard, Eric Young is a world-class maniac and he's deranged. Josh compares King of the Mountain to the playoffs and the Super Bowl while explaining the rules. They dub in some new commentary about Jeff joining the TNA Hall of Fame class. Pope talks about KOTM being a cool concept while Josh plugs the GFW TV tapings at the Orleans Arena and they give credit to Bully for putting his PPV main event on free TV. Josh and Pope are bitching and moaning about who can suck up the most and join GFW...on TNA TV. EY beats Jeff and Jeff goes in the box for an ad break.
Pope talks about Hardy vs. Roode and how that one on one match can literally go either way. Pope's a really smart guy, but it doesn't quite come across that way on commentary. EY and Roode eat back to back pins, so they're in the box. Jeff hits the Stroke on Drew, but Matt breaks up the pin despite that just making it harder for him to win. Matt hops around and goes for the Twist, but Jeff gets the Stroke for 2 thanks to Drew breaking it up.
Pope points out that this is a weird move, but then Josh says that preventing pins prevents someone else from being ineligible to hang the title over the ring in the reverse ladder match portion of the match. And to think that some feel this stipulation is convoluted. EY and Roode go to sing the Canadian national anthem, but EY turns on him for a piledriver attempt. Tower of Doom Kyptonite Krunch hits Matt. Jeff didn't get the pin, so he can't win the title until he gets a fall. EY, Roode, and Jarrett duke it out for an ad break.
During the ad break, we get a plug of two new TNA DVDs - a new Jeff Hardy DVD called Humanomoly, and The Best of Hulk Hogan, which includes Hulk Hogan's final match. It was a TNA house show six-man tag, and it can only be seen on this DVD in full, or in HD in the ads unless TNA decides to just put it on Youtube.
Jeff eats a piledriver on the ladder bridge between the ring and the barricade. Drew dives off of the penalty box onto the rest of the pile. Drew goes to put the title up, but Matt Twist of Fates him off the ladder. Jeff gets a super stroke off the ladder to EY and climbs the ladder to win. Josh asks what the future holds for TNA and for Jeff Jarrett while they go to the announce both area and they run down the rest of the card, including a chain match and a table match - because we needed more stips on this random episode of Impact without a theme to it.
Tigre Uno Challenges Donald Trump
Tigre Uno is put over as a loving father and a lucha legend. One of these statements is true. Uno says that people who come to the U.S. work hard and he invites Donald Trump to the Impact Zone next week. Well, this ate up maybe three minutes and they spent more time hyping it up than the actual special. The Revolution walks backstage to introduce their next member next.
We get a brief recap of the most recent Storm-Mickie issues. The Revolution comes down with Abyss amusingly being called the powerhouse in this group with Khoya. Abyss is moving about as slowly as Taker is now. Storm says that America's children are lost causes who need guidance, but that his Revolution is all-inclusive and doesn't hold anyone's race or language against them. Serena Deeb comes down and she's put over as someone who knows Mickie better than Magnus. Pope tells the story about them being in OVW today and Mickie mentoring Serena. Serena says that they were like sisters, but Mickie forgot her. Storm says that he'll stand beside her proudly and they'll beat and embarrass Magnus and Mickie. If TNA is going to turn into an homage to OVW, could they bring back the Heartbreakers and Mo Green? Rockstar Spud faces Eric Young, who is a world-class maniac and the lunatic unhinged.
Eric Young vs. Rockstar Spud - Chain Match
Eric Young comes out for this chain match. They haven't explained why EY and Spud have an issue, why a chain is involved in their rivalry, and thus why this needs to be a chain match. Rockstar Spud comes out and gets choked with the chain. Josh says that this will have a pinfall or submission, so it won't be a "touch the corners" match. Josh insults Spud for trying to run away from this, but Josh mocks him for it and then praises EY for ramming the chain into Spud's jaw. EY chokes him some more and drags him up to his feet with it. Josh talks about Impact being a trend worldwide thanks to Slammiversary, the King of the Mountain match, Serena, Gail Kim, and Brooke. Spud ducks under EY and lifts the chain into EY's crotch. Pope says that Spud is Rocky-ing it up. They're pimping a Hulk Hogan DVD - just use Hulking up. Pope brings up the Valentine vs. Piper chain match, which unlike this one, had a reason for happening. EY piledrives him on the chain and wins.
Bobby Roode vs. Matt Hardy - No. 1 Contender's Table Match
Josh talks about how Bully named Matt Hardy as the number one man in the top five, while Bobby Roode is number two. Why were these numbers chosen? Matt gets a Side Effect by countering a lariat. Josh talks about how all of this happened due to TNA's site and/or their Youtube channel - which is apparently now more important than their national TV show. They fight on the floor and Roode suplexes Matt onto the steel steps. Should Matt really be taking bumps like that now? Bobby Roode puts a table on Matt, surfs on it, and then jumps on Matt. Matt comes back and gets a lariat in the corner, but Bobby counters the bulldog into a spinebuster. Matt gets a Twist of Fate while Josh ponders Matt's options to win. Bobby trips Matt up to send him to the mat. Matt counters a spinebuster and sends Bobby over the top to the floor for the win. Well, this was a match - and a show. Next week, Jeff Jarrett goes into the Hall of Fame, Mickie has her final match in TNA and Jeff Hardy returns. That seems like something you'd want to bring up a time or two.
To see every screen taken for the show, just click here.