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Drama. Tragedy. The Titanic: Just another night in Japan's DDT promotion

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DDT is a very serious Japanese wrestling promotion full of serious characters and serious matches. If Vader still wrestled today, DDT is where he’d want to work. It’s so serious that it even has the word drama in its name: Dramatic Dream Team. If that doesn’t sound like a serious wrestling promotion, I don’t what does.

Every so often, a match takes place in DDT that’s so serious ans so dramatic, that it would be a tragedy if serious pro wrestling fans around the world missed out on it. One such match recently took place in Tokyo’s legendary Korakuen Hall between the masked Super Sasadango Machine and half Swedish/half Japanese TV personality turned wrestler LiLiCo with the prestigious DDT Extreme Title on the line.

You may have noticed Vader on Twitter in recent weeks talking about how wrestlers should be trying to win their matches, not practicing gymnastics routines. Well, Vader should love Super Sasadango Machine because he takes winning so seriously that before his matches, he gives a PowerPoint presentation to the audience explaining the strategy he’s devised to defeat his opponent.

This time, however, SSM’s PowerPoint was commandeered by LiLiCo, who had a unique strategy of her own.

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LiLiCo had devised the perfect plan for countering SSM’s deadly Lehmann Shock DDT, and all she would need is a little help from her accomplice Kouki Watase, the music of Celine Dion, and the Titanic. Yes, the Titanic. Her plan was simple:

Two doomed lovers, LiLiCo Winslet and Leonardo Watase, would meet:

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Super Sasadango Machine would get hit by an iceberg/a chair shot to the head:

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The two lovers would then share an atsui (hot/passionate) kiss before LiLiCo sinks SSM with a Titanic Cross Body off the top rope/bow of the ship:

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Or something like that...

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As Super Sasadango Machine knows all too well, sometimes things don’t quite go accordingly to plan, no matter how professional one’s PowerPoint looks. Things started poorly for LiLiCo, who was easily overpowered by SSM. Watase ventured to help his lover, but he was taped to ringpost by SSM’s helper Makato Oishi. Watase finally broke free, but was then taken out by Oishi. Things looked dire for LiLiCo who was outpowered and outnumbered. Oishi tried to sink her dream of becoming the DDT Extreme champion with a chair shot to the head, but missed and accidentally hit SSM.

It was like the Titanic and the iceberg all over again.

Suddenly, Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” starts playing as Leonardo Watase and LiLiCo Winslet both desperately search the ring and the arena for the other, for if they can embrace just one more, LiLiCo’s heart will be able to go on and win the DDT Extreme Title. Finally, they lock eyes, and they meet on the top turnbuckle.

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They share one the most passionate kisses Japan has ever seen before LiLiCo leaps off the top rope with a Titanic Cross Body onto the still dazed Super Sasadango Machine. Her plan has worked, but SSM kicks out at two.

Showing ring awareness and skill beyond her experience, LiLiCo stuns SSM with a kick to his little titanics, and hits a devastating Titanic Yoshi Tonic. Super Sasadango Machine goes down with ship as LiLiCo becomes the new DDT Extreme Champion.

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Romance, drama, tragedy, and Celine Dion are just some of the things you’ll find in a DDT match. But most importantly, you’ll find very serious wrestling by very serious wrestlers. Because wrestling is serious business, and don’t you forget it.

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