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AEW Dark results: Darby Allin vs. Jimmy Havoc vs. Jack Evans

The Big Takeaway --

Darby Allin got back in the win column, picking up the win in a falls count anywhere triple threat match.

Today is my 36th season premiere (aka my 35th birthday). It is never too late to send me a large sum of cash as a gift.

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Dustin Rhodes & Sonny Kiss defeated QT Marshall & Peter Avalon (w/ Leva Bates)

Marshall was featured in an interview segment with Cody Rhodes last week and now debuts with his first AEW match this week on Dark.

Avalon cut his usual pre-match promo running down the local sports team, in this case being the Pittsburgh Pirates. Thankfully for me they won't be in Buffalo anytime soon. Bates did tell Avalon to “shhhh,” continuing her possible face turn.

Kiss was born in December of 1993, which is when Dustin Rhodes was already in the business five years (and was WCW United States Champion to boot).

The heels got the heat when Bates grabbed Kiss' foot and Avalon took his head off with a running kick. When Kiss was reaching for a tag, Avalon grabbed his foot and threw it down into the splits before locking on a chinlock, which at least explained why the splits would hurt here and not every other time Kiss does the splits.

Bates tried to interfere, but she got caught when she tried showing Rhodes her book. Rhodes placed her in the corner and sidestepped Avalon when he went running after The Natural. Rhodes hit the Final Reckoning on Avalon for the win.

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Emi Sakura defeated Allie, Penelope Ford, and Sadie Gibbs in a four-way match

We had a four-way collar-and-elbow tie-up, followed by a four-way Greco Roman knuckle lock that Gibbs got the best of. In fact her knuckle lock on Allie and Sakura was so bad that Ford even sold it.

Sakura did a dosey-doe with referee Rick Knox and held his arm out long enough that he accidentally elbowed Ford. Sakura slapped a surfboard on Ford. Allie snuck in and tried to cover Sakura, but she was smart enough to let go of the surfboard and kick out.

Ford and Gibbs formed a brief alliance, but it broke down when they fought over who got to pin Allie. Excalibur claimed the fans were chanting for Sakura. They were doing no such thing. However, the fans did boo the Blonde Girl Alliance as all three teamed up on Sakura briefly.

Sakura came back and gave all three a Vader Bomb for a simultaneous two count on each. Gibbs threw a clothesline so high that Ford didn't even bother ducking. Sakura pinned Ford with a Tiger Driver. They showed some of the least interested fans applauding.

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This week's From Undesirable to Undeniable with Cody Rhodes saw him interviewing Maxwell Jacob Friedman.

MJF said in his wrestling career he never felt undesirable, but he did when playing football as a kid because he was the only Jewish kid and the other kids didn't like a Jewish person taking their spot on the team. In fact, his teammates bullied him by throwing quarters at him. MJF said the kid who bullied him (whose name they bleeped) is a drug addict who dropped out of college, while he is famous and hangs out with the coolest person in the world.

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We were magically whisked away to the AEW Control Center where Tony Schiavone previewed Dynamite. This segued into a video building up The Lucha Bros vs. SoCal Uncensored in the finals of the AEW Tag Team title tournament.

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Alex Marvez interviewed Kip Sabian about his upcoming six-man tag. On Wednesday night, Sabian will team with Jack Evans & Angelico to face Kenny Omega & The Young Bucks. Sabian said he won the very first singles match in AEW history and he has the best record of everyone who hasn't been on Dynamite yet. His plan is to beat The Elite and become The Elite. Sabian said he hated Marvez.

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Darby Allin defeated Jimmy Havoc and Jack Evans in a triple threat falls count anywhere match

Main event time. This match was not sponsored by Cracker Barrel, so there was no Cracker Barrel barrel for Allin and Havoc to destroy.

Not that he had a ton of competition, but Allin had the best reaction of anyone who came out on the show tonight. Allin and Evans both were going about 125 miles per hour and it was up to Havoc to slow them down. Havoc held up a chair as Allin came through the ropes with a suicide dive. For once I'm not being facetious -- Allin did a suicide dive and Havoc was almost like “Hey, look at this chair!”

Havoc did a dive over the guardrail and into the crowd, which gave Jim Ross and Excalibur a chance to plug AEWTix.com, saying that the only way to have Havoc dive over the railing and into your lap is to go to the show.

Evans, who has been wrestling for over a decade, gave a suplex to Havoc on the ramp, got up, and played to the crowd for a few seconds before making the cover. Havoc did a diving elbow drop onto Allin on the floor and, seconds later, Evans did a flipping dive onto both of them.

We fought back to the ring and Evans threw some chairs in. The fans chanted for tables, so Evans threw more chairs into the ring. Havoc gave Allin the old Cesaro superplex where Allin was standing on the ring apron and Havoc stood on the middle rope and lifted him for the superplex.

Havoc used a Tiger Driver 98 on Allin on a chair. Evans broke the pin up, so Havoc threw a chair in his face. However, Havoc learned that if you live by the chair, you die by the chair. Evans dropped him with a side suplex on the edge of a chair and then hit a 450 splash, but only for a two count.

We finally got our table, but it was used for Havoc to give Evans a piledriver through. As he went for the cover, Allin came out of nowhere (or the corner turnbuckle) with a chair-assisted Coffin Drop on Havoc and covered Evans for the pin.

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Final Thoughts --

Not sure what happened to the loud crowd in Pittsburgh for Dynamite, because the Dark crowd was mellow. The main event was not as bat crap crazy as you might expect considering the stipulation, but that made it better.