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AEW Dark results: Jon Moxley & Eddie Kingston vs. Milk Chocolate

AEW Dark 5/11/2021

It’s Tuesday and you know what that means. Your hosts are Excalibur and Taz. 

Jon Moxley and Eddie Kingston defeated Milk Chocolate (0:34) 

Moxley brought the IWGP US Title belt with him since he has a title defense tomorrow on Dynamite. Moxley and Kingston jumped Milk Chocolate before the bell rang and finished this off quick with a clothesline/suplex combo on Randy Summers. That was brisk. 

Dark Order (Evil Uno, Colt Cabana and Alan Angels) defeated Spencer Slade, Cole Karter and Andrew Palace (4:38) 

This was another Dark Order multi-man squash. 

Uno must have taken some inspiration from the recent Roddy Piper A&E documentary, working in a blatant eye poke on Palace behind the referee’s back. Taz began running down all the teams he’s going to sue for using Team Taz’s colors including the Cincinnati Bengals, Philadelphia Flyers, and Clemson. I think Gritty (the Flyers mascot) could take Team Taz, even in a four-on-one. Feel free to sue the Bengals as they haven’t won anything in years. 

Angels wound up in trouble, but Cabana got the hot tag and caught Slade with a flying apple off the middle rope. Angels took out the rest of their opponents with a flying crossbody and Uno hit a cross-arm flatliner on Slade for the win. 

Lance Archer defeated Angel Fashion (3:43)

Jake Roberts joined the commentary team and was awesome in doing so. Archer looked like he almost killed himself doing a cannonball senton into the ring on his opponent, so that was a great way to start. He recovered and hit a buckle bomb, chokeslam and ripcord into a spinning side slam -- the Hellicoaster -- to finish off Fashion. Roberts warned Sting to stay away from Archer “or else.” 

QT Marshall, Nick Comoroto and Aaron Solow (w/ Anthony Ogogo)  defeated Jake Logan, Ryzin and Rick Recon (4:00) 

Comoroto set the ring stairs on the entrance stage for Marshall to sit and observe while Solow and Comoroto wrestled the bulk of the match. Ryzin got the hot tag and a bit of shine, but Comoroto snatched him out of the air and slammed him down to end that. Comoroto then hit a massive, Last Ride-esque power bomb on Ryzin. Marshall then got the tag and hit Ryzin with a diamond cutter that 1995 Diamond Dallas Page would have been proud of (but 1998 DDP would have been embarrassed by). 

After the match, Marshall put Ryzin in the figure four leglock to send a message to Cody as if that feud wasn’t decisively ended last week. Also, the figure four looked better than the diamond cutter. 

Varsity Blonds (w/ Julia Hart) defeated Jaylen Brandyn and Treavon Jordan (4:07) 

Hart has been added to the Varsity Blonde as a cheerleader which I 100% approve of. Pillman hit a beautiful spinning powerslam on Brandyn for a near fall, later finishing him off with a spike power bomb for the win. 

Diamante defeated Willow Nightingale (2:50)

Tony Schiavone earlier interviewed Diamante, who made threats directed at Kris Statlander. A cazadora into the stunner and the Code Red finished off Nightingale. 

Dante Martin defeated Aaron Frye (3:31) 

This is Frye’s first singles match even though he’s been in tag matches on Dark and Elevation for a while now. 

Martin went for the 450 splash early, but Frye avoided it. Even though Martin landed on his feet, he still fell for a jawbreaker and a clothesline from Frye. A backstabber from Frye got another near fall, but a sloppy springboard elbow missed. Martin came back with a clothesline, jumping kick and a double springboard moonsault for a near fall. Another jumping kick and a 450 splash from Martin finished it. They packed a lot into less than four minutes.

Nyla Rose defeated Ashley D’Amboise (1:45) 

Vickie Guerrero bullied Justin Roberts out of the ring to do Rose’s introduction. Rose won with the beast bomb. 

Cezar Bononi and Ryan Nemeth (w/ Peter Avalon and JD Drake) defeated Liam Gray and Adrian Alanis (4:14)

Bononi caught Alanis coming off the ropes for a crossbody, but then just kind of put him down for Nemeth to hit him with a hangman’s neckbreaker for a pin. I see no point in giving these guys wins. 

Kris Statlander (w/ Best Friends and Orange Cassidy) defeated Julia Hart (2:20)

Statlander hit Hart with a spinning powerslam that got a thumbs up from Best Friends. Hart hit a clothesline, but got caught in an electric chair and dropped face first to the mat. The Big Bang Theory piledriver finished off Hart. 

Jungle Boy (w/ Marko Stunt) defeated Marty Casaus (5:41) 

This was a good back and forth match that saw Casaus' mouth get bloodied up. Jungle Boy went for the diving DDT, but Casaus caught him and turned it into a northern lights suplex for a near fall. Casaus went for a moonsault that missed, Jungle Boy hit an elbow to the back of his head, and caught him with the snare trap for the tapout. Taz singing made up lyrics to Jungle Boy’s theme never falls to disappoint. 

Red Velvet and Big Swole (w/ KiLynn King) defeated The MK Twins (Ashley and Steph) (4:39) 

Swole took a headbutt to the gut from Ashley that both doubled and flipped Swole over. A double elbow from the MK Twins got a near fall on Swole who came back with a jawbreaker and a thrust kick on Ashley that led to the hot tag to Red Velvet. Velvet hit Steph with a stunner for a near fall. Swole and Velvet hit a rolling elbow/hook kick combo on both of their opponents to get the win. Call me crazy, but this was a fun match. Velvet, Swole and King also have a post-match dance. 

Preston “10” Vance defeated JD Drake (w/ Peter Avalon, Cezar Bononi and Ryan Nemeth)  (8:13) 

The only way I’m okay with this Drake/Bononi/Nemeth/Avalon thing is if Drake gets fed up with the lot of them and leaves them in a puddle in the ring at some point. Also, the improved look of Drake with the cowboy boots and jeans has been ruined with a spangly party shirt. 

Vance hit ten punches in the corner (because he's 10), but Drake came back with a clothesline and a jumping elbow drop. Drake worked over Vance with a chinlock and dumped him to the floor for his terrible stablemates to take some free shots. Back in the ring, Drake got rolled up for a near fall. Drake came back with a neckbreaker for a near fall. Avalon and his crew actually got a Drake chant going from the crowd. 

Vance managed to come back briefly and attempt the full nelson, but Drake escaped and hit an inside leg lariat for a near fall. Drake tried to do his own version of the ten punches in the corner, but Vance powerbombed Drake out of the corner to counter. That should have been the springboard for the comeback from Vance, but Drake cut him off with a clothesline. Vance hit the spinebuster and Avalon distracted him.

It was not to be for Drake, however, as Vance locked on the full nelson and got the victory. It’s not a fair world where Nemeth and Avalon get a win and JD Drake eats a loss. 

The Acclaimed defeated Sonny Kiss & Joey Janela (11:54) 

Max Caster had another A+ rap for his entrance, referencing “sunny days” and the rest.

Kiss took a beating from Bowens and Caster until he got the tag to Janela. He attempted a springboard from the entrance stage into the ring, but Bowens shoved him down and Janela injured his knee. Kiss tried to protect his partner, but got nailed by Caster. Back in the ring, Bowens worked over Janela’s bad knee. Janela tried to get the tag after knocking Bowens to the floor, but Bowens pulled Kiss to the floor and Caster worked over Janela’s bad knee.

Janela got the tag to Kiss after a miscommunication from the Acclaimed. Kiss hit a standing moonsault on Caster for a ner fall and then the split-leg stunner for another near fall. 

Kiss hit a rolling elbow on Bowens, but made the mistake of tagging in Janela who tried to go to the top and drop the elbow, but he fell because of the bad knee. Bowens locked in an inverted cloverleaf and body scissors, but Kiss broke that up.

After they officially missed the peak, Janela and Caster both hit top rope elbows on Bowens and Kiss, respectively. Janela and Caster clotheslined each other before Bowens locked in the cloverleaf a second time on Janela with Caster coming off the top with an elbow to get the pin to end a very good match.

Brian Cage (w/ Hook) defeated Bear Bronson

Bear Boulder was injured a few weeks ago, so Bronson is giving it a go as a single. He looked pretty impressive in a good competitive match with Cage, but Cage probably gave him way too much. Bronson hit a Saito suplex for a near fall. He went for a superplex, but Cage slipped out and hit a face-first electric chair drop for a near fall. Cage hit a power bomb and finished Bronson with the drill claw -- a couple of very impressive moves on a man as big as Bronson. 

Powerhouse Hobbs (w/ Hook) defeated Mike Sydal (3:27) 

Hobbs, Cage and Archer don’t need to squash dudes every week. Give Hobbs a squash one week, Cage one the next week, Archer the week after that. All three killing dudes every week isn’t doing anything but unnecessarily padding the runtime of the show. Hobbs won a forgettable match with Town Business and hit Sydal with a short arm clothesline after the match. Matt Sydal came out to save his brother from further abuse. 

Final Thoughts: 

Raw had eight matches. This show had 16. Somewhere there is a happy medium. There was nothing bad, but as a show, Dark is just too long to enjoy.