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Impact Wrestling results: Aries cuts epic promo on Johnny Impact

For the third straight week, Impact Wrestling took place from Mexico City, Mexico. Austin Aries cutting a worked-shoot promo on Johnny Impact was this week's highlight.

Rich Swann kicked off the show, lacking the smiles and joviality that he usually shows in his ring entrance. He’s facing Matt Sydal, whose pointing to his third eye is so relentless that it is absolutely comical.

Matt Sydal defeated Rich Swann

Swann got off to the early advantage, hitting a dive off the top rope to the outside of the ring less than one minute into the match. The two brawled outside and Sydal crawled under the ring. Swann pulled up the apron to look for him and Sydal decked him.

Swann either sold the storyline of being angered by Sydal’s attempts to get him to open his third eye or he’s really unhappy for some reason. He looked grumpy all the way through the match.

Swann was on the top rope ready to do a dive onto Sydal when a guy in street clothes jumped on the apron and powerbombed Swann as the referee had his head down tending to Sydal. Announcers Don Callis and Josh Mathews said “who is this man” and “where’s security?”

After the match, Mathews then figured out that it was Ethan Page. Not a great start to this feud between Sydal and Swann, which they have been building up for weeks.

There was a video package with Ohio Versus Everyone.

In another video package, Moose called Sami Callihan on the phone. It was interrupted by Scarlett Bordeaux, who came to ringside to do commentary. Bordeaux touches her hair almost as much as Sydal touches his forehead looking for a third eye. Bordeaux flirted with Callis, who  purposely spilled his bottled water for effect.

Eli Drake came to the ring next wearing a shirt that said “that is not an insult” on the front and “that is a fact of life” on the back.

Drake took the microphone to continue his open challenge.

Drake called out all the “technicos” in the back. He told the crowd “silencio.”

“None of the luchas can lucha like lucha,” he said.

La Parka defeated Eli Drake via countout

Out came La Parka (the AAA version, not LA Park). He hammered on Eli Drake with chops, but Drake gained the upper hand after he hit a very awkward looking reverse neckbreaker. Drake grabbed a chair, but La Parka took it away from him. He tried to hit Drake with it, but Drake ran from the ring and back to the dressing room.

La Parka looked really limited in his skill set.

During the commentary, Mathews asked Bordeaux what she was looking for in a wrestler.

“I want someone who does whatever it takes to win,” Bordeaux said.

We got a confrontation between LAX and the OGz backstage.There’s still a ceasefire between the two “rival gangs” -- so Konnan couldn’t do anything when King spit water in Konnan’s face and then walked away. This feud has long ran its course.

Backstage, Sydal and Page challenged Swann and a partner of his choice at Bound For Glory.

Murder Clown (w/ Katarina) defeated Joe Hendry (w/ Grado)

Grado is taking his joke character to the extreme, looking increasingly more out of shape with each appearance. Hendry showed a bizarre video that attempted to mock Murder Clown. It was Hendry in a clown mask squeezing his red nose and singing.

This was a bad match. Murder Clown is well over 300 pounds and wrestles like it.

He struggled to body slam Hendry at one point. Hendry, however, successfully hit a fallaway slam on the big guy. Murder Clown recovered and hit a splash off the top rope for the win. Grado tended to his friend, when Murder Clown brought a table to the ring. Callis screamed for Murder Clown to “please go after Grado.”

Grado tried to defend Hendry, but Katarina hit a low blow on her ex-boyfriend. Murder Clown put Hendry on the table and then jumped on him from the top rope for the finish. This was an attempt to get Murder Clown over as a star on one match.

Eddie Edwards found Moose, who was sitting next to Alisha Edwards. She had apparently been apprehended by Moose against her will. Moose started to explain what a bad friend Eddie was and Eddie tried to tell him that Austin Aries was only using him for protection, but didn’t really care about him.

Alisha then threw a glass of water in Moose’s face and fled, but not before Killer Kross ran into the room and tried to choke out Eddie. Alisha threw a kendo stick to her husband, who hit Kross and the two escaped.

Eddie then called Johnny Impact and told him to go after Aries. Impact spent the next few minutes running around backstage looking for Aries.

Impact then came to the ring and called out Aries, who responded, walking to the ring wearing an arm sling.

Aries said he injured his arm from trying to protect himself from Impact’s beatdown last week.

Impact said he didn’t care if he was injured because he didn’t want to beat him up tonight, but at Bound For Glory. Impact dared Aries to come to the ring at the event without Kross and Moose.

Aries guaranteed that Moose and Kross would not be at ringside. He said he didn’t need any help to beat Impact.

Aries then did a worked-shoot, asking Impact who he was and pointing out his many character changes as Johnny Nitro, Johnny Mundo, John Hennigan, or “Johnny Survivor.”

“Your whole career you have been trying to put eggs into 15 Easter baskets and you haven’t filled any of them yet," Aries said.

Aries said Impact “looked” like he should be a pro wrestler, but that he was really a “pretend pro wrestler.”

Aries basically berated him for never living up to his full potential and being more of a show than an authentic wrestler. He told him that before he becomes “Johnny 205,” Aries would give him an opportunity to unlock his potential, and have him join his stable, just like Moose did.

Impact just stood there and took all the insults and then said “hell no.”

Aries hit Impact with his left arm and then took off the sling on his other arm. Impact countered with a crescent kick and Aries rolled out of the ring. Impact held the belt up high.

Backstage, a shirtless Brian Cage said he was coming to the ring later to destroy the “Ohio punks.”

There was another backstage segment with Gama Singh verbally abusing the Desi Hit Squad.

In the Flashback Moment of the Week, it was Sting vs. Hulk Hogan from Bound for Glory 2011.  Ric Flair was at ringside. Dixie Carter was at ringside cheering for Sting. Hogan tapped out to the Scorpion Deathlock, but Flair jumped into the ring. Eric Bischoff, Scott Steiner, and Bully Ray then came to ringside and started to beat up Sting.

Hogan was apparently so offended by the Sting beatdown that he turned on his friends and joined Sting to clean house in the ring. A bloodied Hogan and Sting then celebrated in the ring together.

We got another backstage segment with Scarlett Bordeaux, as wrestlers tried to impress her to win over her managerial services.

Next was an episode of the Smokeshow where Petey Williams tried to impress Bordeaux. Trevor Lee looked on in disgust.

It’s not really clear what they are trying to do with Bordeaux, but whatever it is, it’s not working.

There was a backstage segment with the Lucha Brothers challenging oVe later in the show.

Su Yung defeated Kiera Hogan (w/ Allie)

Yung got the win after a helicopter spin into a front slam. Hogan was distracted momentarily after the undead bridesmaids jumped on the apron when Hogan was on the top turnbuckle. After the match, Yung summoned the bridesmaids to bring out the casket, but Allie broke it up. Yung, however, put the mandible claw on Allie and then Hogan and slammed Hogan into the coffin. Yung stood on the coffin.

When they came back from commercial, Allie was freaking out in the back for allowing her friend to be put inside the casket.

They advertised a match for next week: Edwards, Impact & Fallah Bahh vs. Aries, Moose & Kross.

They hyped up the Tessa Blanchard vs. Taya Valkyrie Knockouts title match set for Bound For Glory.

Fenix, Pentagon Jr. & Brian Cage defeated Sami Callihan & Dave & Jake Crist by DQ

Cage is an incredible high-flyer for being such a huge, jacked-up guy.

This was a disappointing match. The referee disqualified Callihan after he pushed him. After the match, Fenix hit a rolling cutter on Callihan. Cage hit a Brutus Beefcake knee on Dave Crist and then suplexed him from inside of the ring to the outside onto the other members of oVe and Fenix and Pentagon.

Fenix then hit a corkscrew dive from the top of the ringside railing onto everybody.

The show ended with the wrestlers brawling outside of the ring.