Bryan Alvarez’s WWE Raw review: Punk, Reigns & a lot of new WrestleMania matches

Editor’s note: This week’s WWE Raw review is free for all to read.

Show opened with Cody Rhodes coming out.

He was just getting started when some music hit and out came Stephanie McMahon. Fans chanted her name. Cody said he was surprised to see her. Well, she said, my name is Stephanie McMahon, and this is the house my GRANDFATHER built, Madison Square Garden.  

OK, he said, so what do you want to talk about? She said she wanted to talk about Cody and Randy and WrestleMania…only Cody wasn’t going to like what she had to say. You talked about where you used to sit at Center Stage.  Well, I used to sit over there and Andre would squeeze my leg and give me the office as he came to the ring. We’re multigenerational talent, we know what it means to be on top unlike everyone else. You took the golden path, and that’s amazing, you stayed true to yourself, and you actually believed you could bring out the best in people. But you can’t this time with this version of Randy Orton. This version is diabolical, and Cody you don’t have to be diabolical, but you have to be able to think like that.  You have to be able to think like Randy. Your father understood that better than anybody.  Dusty could roll with the best of them.  But from what I’ve seen, you are not your father.  This version of Cody can’t beat this version of Randy Orton.

Fans booed.  You have no idea who you’re dealing with, she said. We got dueling chants for Cody and Randy.  

Cody said the last thing I would ever want is to be rude to you, but you think I don’t know who Randy is.  I know everything about him, he was the youngest champion in company history, the legend killer, I know he was doing stuff so vile that we can’t show it today, and I know some of that stuff was to you.  I know there is a whole swath of WWE that want this student/teacher dynamic, but I’m not a student anymore.  I used to have to sit in the car and turn the music down as he was drooling all over himself to make sure he was breathing.  I’m not my father, you’re right, but with all due respect, you’re not yours either.

That got a huge reaction. She slapped him.  

I am out here because I care about you, she said, and you don’t have anyone giving you any guidance.  You don’t understand what this Randy is capable of, he doesn’t need a babysitter.  You have to understand he’s not just listening to the voices in his head, he beckons them, he can control them, and he’s also listening to someone else as well.  So unless you can learn to think like him, you’re gonna lose that title. 

She went to leave but he grabbed her arm, spun her around, and said he had two words for her — “Thank you.”  FANS BOOED THAT LIKE CRAZY. She smirked.

This segment was so cornball.

IShowSpeed met with Danhausen and begged him to uncurse him.

Danhausen tried to blackmail him, but Speed wasn’t down with that. Adam Pearce then told him not to worry about it: tonight, he was front row for Usos vs. Vision, and LA Knight would be guest commentator. Pearce and Danhausen then had a very awkward moment.

WWE World Tag Team Champions The Usos vs. Logan Paul & Austin Theory in a street fight with LA Knight on commentary

Usos did a dive, they went right to commercial, and came back for the heels beating them down with trash cans and the like.  In the ring, I might add.  A table was set up in the corner.  “LET’S GO USOS!” chants.  Usos made a comeback and ran wild.  They put the trash can on Logan’s head and superkicked him, then put the can on Austin’s head and clobbered him with kendo stick shots.  They took him up top and put him through a table with a double superplex.  Logan on the outside went over to ringside and found HIS MOTHER, who gave him brass knuckles out of her purse.  LA went to beat his ass, but Speed was right there and he got yanked over the barricade as well, and got his hands on the knux.

LA grabbed him and Speed knocked him out.  Fans chanted, “YOU F*CKED UP!”  Speed was petrified and got the hell out of there.  Logan then got the knux, returned to the ring, and tried to clobber Jimmy.  Jimmy ducked and we got a superkick party.  Jey speared Theory, then Jimmy went for a tope.  Logan clobbered and KO’d him. Jey hit a dive onto Logan, but it was too late. A half-dead Theory put his hand on Jimmy and pinned him and they won the titles as expected.  

This was fine for what it was, but wasn’t like some great street fight or anything. It was more about the story of the match.  

Liv Morgan came out for a promo.

Stephanie, she said, you’re done for, b*tch.  It’s one thing to attack me, but to attack my family, to attack Dom, I’d like to say I’m surprised but you don’t have family here, do you?  But you want to berate me and say I hide behind my man, but you always attack me from behind.  I know you’re proud of where you come from, but this is where I come from, and where I come from it’s on sight.  My mother also taught me to never let anyone get the better of me.  She then buried Steph’s mother in Spanish, so out came Stephanie Vaquer.  

She stormed to the ring and a brawl broke out.  Steph laid her out with a superkick and grabbed a chair, but then got jumped from behind by Roxanne Perez.  Well, that answers the question of whether Roxanne was going to return and side with Finn Balor, who was the guy who brought her into Judgment Day in the first place.  They laid out Steph with an oblivion onto a chair.  Liv called her a stupid b*tch and said she was so much better than Steph.  

Theory and Logan were celebrating with Speed backstage.

Speed said he didn’t mean to get involved.  Logan said now you have real enemies. Paul Heyman showed up and told him to relax, he was in good hands: the tag team champions.  He told them to all go out and have a celebratory dinner tonight.  Heyman told him he was going to be fine, but then when they left, he said the Usos were going to kill him. 

Pearce then showed up and asked if Heyman had checked his email. Heyman ridiculed him about sending an email, and left.  

Bayley & Lyra Valkyria vs. WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions Lash Legend & Nia Jax

Babyfaces ran wild early and hit a series of dives and dropkicks through the ropes. They went to break and came back for Nia beating up Lyra.  They teased the hot tag a few times, then Lyra hit an enzuigiri on Lash and a DDT and made the tag.  Bayley almost immediately got booted in the face by Lash and Nia got some heat on her next.  Nia tried the annihilator, but Bayley went underneath and hit a walking powerbomb.  Lyra tagged in and went up top for the moonsault, but Lash broke it up.

It broke down into a four-way and Lash hit a big lariat, then a running uppercut for the quadruple down.  Bellas then started heading to ringside, followed by Charlotte and Alexa.  These four got into an argument at ringside, then Nia and Lash went outside and started taking out all of them.  Lash rammed Bayley into the apron.  Nia hit a horrific slam on Lyra, dropped her right on her ass in the most uncomfortable manner possible, then Alexa and Charlotte just hit the ring for the DQ.

Lame finish. Crowd didn’t give a sh*t.  None of this feels important, it just feels like angles every week to set up a multi-person women’s tag match to get everyone on the big show of the year.  

-We got a Brock vs. Oba video package.

-They showed from clips during the break of Danhausen announcing the Madison Square Garden Saturday Night’s Main Event coming up.

Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman came out and the fans were loudly chanting for Oba Femi.  

Heyman said he was out here tonight to pontificate on the perils that await Oba Femi.  Two weeks ago, he said, Brock was distracted by Seth Rollins and caught off guard by Oba.  Last week, right here on Raw, Brock was not dressed to fight, he came out to have a man to beast conversation with Oba, but of course Oba decided to pick a fight when Brock just wanted to talk.

If you notice, he said, tonight Brock is dressed to fight. Because he’s authorized me to let everyone know that he’s seen people try to take down Brock for 25 years, but every time they come face-to-face with Brock they piss their pants.  

Brock suddenly grabbed the mic and said enough, Oba Femi get your ass out here right now.  

Pearce came out instead.  He said that would not be happening tonight.  My job is to preserve my main events for WrestleMania, and that’s precisely what I’m going to do.  So with all due respect, Brock, I’m sorry, that’s not happening and you guys need to leave the ring.  

The lights then went out and Oba’s music hit.  Place went nuts and sang him to the ring.  Security went after him and Oba destroyed dudes left and right, including giving one of them the tossing back suplex onto the f*cking FLOOR.  Pearce got in his face and Oba shoved him into the barricade.  Place was going wild.  He danced around the ring, finally got inside, and the fans chanted, “HOLY SH*T!” 

They had the big staredown and were about to go at it when Hunter hit the ring and got between them.  They still went face to face and Hunter had to worm his way between and scream at Heyman to get Brock out of here.  Fans were NOT happy about that.  

On the way out, Brock grabbed some bloke and gave him an F-5 on the floor.  Many men died to get this segment over.  

This feels like the hottest match on the entire card. If Oba is beating him, it absolutely should main event night one.

Finn Balor promo

He said the Judgment Day ran the place for four years, but he had many regrets, especially thinking he could make a man out of Dom.  He said when Dom turned his back on his father, it was Finn he turned to.  I was the one who stepped up for you.  You didn’t lose the IC Title because of me, you lost because you’re a self-entitled jackass.  I’ll admit it, I’m guilty, I helped create that jackass, I’m responsible for creating you.  So now, I’m responsible for destroying you at WrestleMania.

This was good.

Penta vs. Kofi Kingston for the Intercontinental Title

They went back and forth early until Kofi managed to give Penta a backdrop on the apron for some heat.  Grayson Waller and Kofi got into an argument outside heading into the break.  They came back for Penta hitting a kick and setting up his comeback.  He hit the sling blade, but then ate an SOS for two.  Kofi and Penta brawled outside, Kofi got back into the ring, and Waller threw Kofi back into the ring.  Kofi started yelling at him, saying he wanted to do this by himself, and called Waller a dummy.

Penta pulled Kofi outside and gave him a Randy Orton back suplex onto the table.  Waller started laughing at Kofi, saying it looks like you do need me, at which point Penta flew in and hit the destroyer on Waller outside.  He threw Kofi in, came off the top, and Kofi hit a surprise trouble in paradise.  Penta kicked out.  “PENTA!” chants.  They fought up top and Kofi tried a superplex, but Penta tossed him off and hit a Panama sunrise off the middle rope for the pin in a good match.  

Jackie Redmond interviewed Penta afterward. She asked if there was any chance he’d tell them what he was planning for WrestleMania.  Penta said for anyone who dared, he’d talked to Pearce and it was done.  At WrestleMania, the title was gonna hang above the ring. If you want it, climb up and pull it down. Yes, we are getting a ladder match for Mania.

Pearce, not really selling anything, ran into Heyman and asked where Brock was.

Pearce said I notice you were on your phone, any interesting emails today.  I don’t do emails, Heyman said.  That was hilarious. Heyman said he was heading to the ring right now.  

Paul Heyman went to the ring for a promo.

First, he celebrated the Vision winning the tag titles.  He said he tried to do something special for everyone, he tried to give back to the community.  He tried to give everyone live tonight a Brock Lesnar vs. Oba Femi battle, but that wannabe mid-level suck-up GM —

— Pearce interrupted and said he was sick of this.  I’ve tried to help you out but I’ll ask again.  HAVE YOU CHECKED YOUR EMAIL TODAY?

Paul said I’m a wise man, a GOAT, a Hall of Famer, and activist, whatever.  But there is nothing that you will ever tell me that I don’t already know.  

Pearce said is that so? So you know that Boston Police Department has dropped all charges against Seth Rollins. Surely, you know that, right? 

Paul said of course I knew that, but he was nervous.  Am I supposed to be afraid?  I’m a native New Yorker in my hometown, I fear no man, I’m the last manager standing, and MSG can testify I’m the last promoter standing from the 1990s which brought out “ECW!” chants.  

Pearce said you must have also read that as of this segment, Seth Rollins is medically cleared to compete.

Seth’s music hit and he snuck into the ring from behind.  He frickin’ WAFFLED Paul with a chair shot.  Looked like he might have accidentally hit him in the base of the skull.  He put Paul’s head on the chair and was about to stomp him when Gunther suddenly came in through the crowd, yanked Seth out of the rig, and choked him unconscious. Gunther then pointed to the WrestleMania sign.

My guess is that they were waiting as long as they could to see if Bron Breakker could be cleared, and it seems he won’t be cleared in time and so Gunther is going to replace him…which works, because Gunther was supposed to face Rey at Mania, but then Rey got hurt as well. This card really is cursed.  

IYO SKY vs. Raquel Rodriguez

They went back and forth early and Iyo hit the big Asai moonsault to the outside heading into the break.  After the break she rolled through a spot and hit a double foot stomp to set up her big comeback.  She hit the springboard dropkick and the kip up and fired up.  She hit the double knees in the corner and went for the moonsault, but Raquel got the feet up.  Raquel pounced her for two.

Suddenly, Asuka was chasing Kairi down to the ring.  Kairi didn’t want to do anything but Asuka was demanding it.  She jumped up on the apron and Raquel to boot Iyo, but accidentally hit Kairi and sent her onto Asuka.  In the ring, Iyo hit a diving DDT on Raquel, then the bullet train. Iyo saw Asuka bullying Kairi and went for a tope, but exactly like Megan Bayne on Collision, she got her feet on the ropes and landed right on her own head.

It was actually WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY worse than Megan and it looked like she broke her neck.  But she hopped up, shook it off, and started consoling Kairi. She got back into the ring and Raquel grabbed her and hit the Tejano bomb for the pin.  

I hope Iyo is OK. That was a f*cking BRUTAL landing.  

-John Cena announced his Mania plans.

-Adam Pearce announced Seth vs. Gunther at WrestleMania.

Roman Reigns did a six-minute entrance before finally asking to be acknowledged.

SIX MINUTES, dude.  

Punk’s music immediately hit and he at least hit the ring and they immediately brawled.  Their very first spot was mistimed as Reigns tried a lariat but Punk was in the wrong spot and Roman just ran into him.  Punk threw him outside and posted him and all the geeks ran down to break them up.  I just saw this exact same gimmick in the SmackDown main event.

Roman broke free and tried a power bomb but the geeks broke it up.  Punk then tried the GTS but the geeks broke it up.  Roman speared Petey Williams, but then Punk grabbed Roman and gave him the GTS.  Crowd chanted, “CM PUNK!”  Punk claimed he was going to leave but broke free and power bombed Punk through the table. Roman hit the back of his head on an upright monitor and that looked like it sucked.  Roman sold it like he was dead.  Punk started singing Roman’s name and pounding on him, then posed on the dasherboards.  

A lot of this Mania build has been quite repetitive, the same stuff on every show, but this one was very well done.

Show was fine, not great, and Oba vs. Brock was by far the highlight.